In This Life
by Lynnlee22
Summary: Jack/Phyllis/Billy
1. Chapter 1

She knew it now, even if she hadn't then. One year ago today he had returned to her. He had clawed his way back to their life together while she had been living a lie. Even now she could remember how it felt to have his arms around her, to hear him call her 'Red', to feel safe in his presence.

So even with all that-even with all the memories and all the history, why was she sitting here in a crummy bar avoiding going home to her husband.

Phyllis sat up straight, pushing away from the bar slightly. She had a good life-a beautiful daughter, a loving husband, a man she couldn't get off her mind. If only that man were her husband. But she couldn't think about that now. All she could do was try to rebuild her life.

Sighing heavily, she reached into her purse. "Can I get my tab, please?" she asked quietly, forcing a smile for the bartender.

"Why don't you let me take care of that?"

The voice behind her sent shivers down her spine as she turned around, her mouth slightly agape. "What are you doing here?"

Billy stared at her for a moment. He shouldn't be happy to see her. He shouldn't step up to the bar and take the stool right next to hers. He shouldn't lean close enough to her that the warmth of her body could be felt on his own. He shouldn't, but he did.

"I'm not following you, if that's what you're thinking."

She nodded. "I thought you'd be spending the night with your little friend, Bethany."

Billy drew in a sharp breath. Her words felt like a slap in the face. "Well, I thought you'd be spending the night with your husband." The instant the words left his lips, he regretted them. One look in those green eyes-which were now filled with tears and he would give anything to take them back.

"Phyllis, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that. I..." He reached for her hand, flinching as she jerked away from him.

"This is over." Phyllis turned, her red hair glistening as she stood under the lights. "You're right, I should be home with my husband and you-you can do whatever the hell you want with whoever the hell you want. Just stay away from me!"

She was gone before he had a chance to protest. He headed for the door, his eyes scanning the parking lot. The sound of squealing tires echoed through the night. Leaning back against the door, Billy closed his eyes, "Dammit Phyllis".

Tears streamed down her face as she turned onto the main road. The streetlights nearly blinded her as she drove. Her cell phone rang and she glanced, only for an instant, at the screen. Fresh tears streamed down her face as she looked back at the road, just in time to see the lights of the oncoming car.


	2. Chapter 2

Billy walked over to the bar and placed his hand on the small receipt. "Just keep this one running," he muttered, gesturing to a bottle already resting on the bar top. The liquid burned his throat as his downed the shot and tapped the shot glass down for a refill.

His life was already falling apart...what was one more bad decision.

* * *

Jack walked over the door again, the warm summer air drifting into the foyer as he opened it and stepped outside. Phyllis has a loose concept of time to be sure, but she knew he had a tendency to worry and she usually called with a million reasons why she was running 'a little behind schedule'.

But not tonight. Tonight there had been no call. There was no note, no message, nothing. Just this morning she'd been insistent that they make these plans, that they make tonight special, that they celebrate and take advantage of their second 'or third or fourth' she'd joked, chance at happiness, but tonight, she was nowhere to be found.

He shook his head as he closed the door and stepped back into the pleasant cool of the room. "Stop it," he whispered aloud, willing himself to stop worrying. He and Phyllis had been through hell this past year. They were long overdue for some happiness and tonight, nothing would stand in their way.

"You think maybe you've had enough, buddy?"

Billy looked up at the bartender. "I'm still breathing so, no...not enough."

The bartender sighed. "Well, you're going to have to finish up somewhere else. I'm cutting you off and calling you a cab."

The cool wood of the bar felt good on his face and he realized he didn't even care enough to argue. He wasn't even almost drunk enough to make it through this night, but whether he finished here or at home was of little consequence to him.

"Looks like you'll have some time to sober up," the bartender grumbled, wiping down the bar in front of him.

Billy raised his head, "Why's that?"

"Whole main road's blocked off on account of some kind of accident."

A man at the end of the bar piped up, "Yeah-heard it on my scanner. Pretty bad apparently. One of those fancy luxury rides...I think they said a silver Benz...hit head on with one of those Tahoe types...whole front end was..."

Billy stood, his heart pounding. He dug into his pocket, furiously punching the buttons on his phone. "Answer," he whispered, "Come on, Phyllis, answer..."

Nothing. He turned back to the man at the bar, "How far from here?"

"Just up the road where you hit the main...less than a half mile.."

The sound of the bartender's voice screaming about his tab grew more distant as he bolted from the bar into the night. He could see the flashing lights in the distance and he ran towards them at full speed.

"Please God...don't let it be her. Please don't let it be her. I know you want to punish me for the things I've done, but please...not this way...not with her."


	3. Chapter 3

He reached the police barricade after what seemed like an eternity. The smell of smoke and fuel burned his eyes and throat but it didn't matter. Nothing mattered. Nothing except...He drew in a deep breath as his eyes fell on the car-the mangled front end was hardly recognizable but the license plate, the one he'd watch drive away so many times, was burned into his brain. It was her.

"Sir...Sir you can't..."

"I just need to know where she is...Where is she?"

"They're working on her now. You can't..."

Billy pushed past him. "Phyllis!"

He watched in horror as EMTs lifted her body off the ground. The woman he knew as so full of life, so fiery, so animated was now so still.

"I need to go with her," Billy pleaded, as the EMT grabbed his arm and attempted to push him back. "Please." His eyes locked with the man in front of him. He'd watched her walk away from him so many times, but he couldn't walk away from her tonight.

* * *

"Jack." Stitch took quick steps to meet him, placing his hand on his shoulder in an attempt to calm him.

"How is she?" Jack felt his heart pound in his chest just as it had been since the moment his cell phone lit up. He'd answered it with relief in his heart at the sight of her name on the screen, but it hadn't been her. It had been the unimaginable call. The call no one wants to get. The call that leaves you numb and powerless.

"They aren't here yet," Stitch said softly. "They were working on her at the scene when they called it in. They're about three minutes out."

"But she's ok, right? I mean, she's ok?" Jack couldn't allow himself to imagine any other outcome.

Stitch sighed a little. "We'll know more once she gets here."

* * *

This wasn't right. This wasn't how it was supposed to be. Billy sat, crouched by her side as the ambulance lurched. His hand shook as he reached out to touch her, hyper aware of each cut and bruise, "Phyllis, Phyllis, Can you hear me?"

He swallowed hard, willing himself to continue, "You're going to be okay. You hear me? You're just a little banged up, but you're gonna go to the hospital and they're gonna get you all fixed up. You're gonna be fine...just fine."

Billy felt the ambulance stop and heard the doors open. He leaned back, closing his eyes in prayer. Phyllis always said they told each other the truth and he prayed more than ever that the words he spoke to her then were true.

A flurry of action flew into Memorial as the gurney entered the room. Jack ran across the room.

"Sweetheart, Phyllis, I'm here."

"Jack...Jack," Stitch stepped in, interrupting. "Let us get her in here and check her out. We've got to do our work."

Jack nodded, bringing her hand to his lips for a brief kiss.

He stepped back, his eyes following the gurney as it went behind the doors. As he felt a hand a hand on his shoulder, he turned to see Billy's face.

"Billy, what are you doing here?"


	4. Chapter 4

He hadn't even thought about the questions. Explaining his presence at the hospital had been the last thing on his mind as he'd watched the EMTs frantically work on Phyllis' still body.

"I..."

"Were you with her...in the accident?," Jack inquired, concern edging in his voice.

Billy winced. His brother wasn't suspicious-he was concerned. If he knew he the truth, he'd surely... He shook his head. He couldn't think about that now. The only thing that mattered right now was Phyllis.

"No, I uh...I was on my bike and I came across the accident. They let me come in the ambulance." One more lie...they came so easily now.

"It's bad, Jack". He looked into his brother's eyes. He had no right to lean on him. He should be here as the shoulder to cry on. It was his brother's wife in that exam room, but it was also the woman he loved.

Jack clasped a hand on his shoulder. "She'll be okay. If there's one thing I know about Phyllis, it's that she's a fighter. She's fought through worse. She'll get through this."

Billy bolted from the chair as Stitch emerged from the room. "How is she?!"

"She's holding her own. Preliminary tests show no internal organ damage, but she does have a pretty serious concussion. We're going to have to monitor her very closely for the next 48 hours or so for brain swelling or bleeding."

"What does that mean...I mean if that happens...you can stop it, right? She'll be ok?"

Stitch glanced away. This was the hardest part of his job-the questions that didn't have answers. "We'll do everything we can. Right now, we focus on the fact that she's stable and not experiencing any complications."

Billy nodded. "Right...Can I see her?"

Stitch smiled. "Sure...for a minute. I should find Jack. Do you know where he went?"

"Yeah, he went down to meet Summer in the lobby. He'll be right back"

Stitch nodded and walked away. Billy took a deep breath before walking into the room.

* * *

He had never been in this position with her. There was always such an ease between the two of them. There were no inhibitions, no games, no notions of who or what they should be. They were free when they were together. He wasn't the screw up that left a trail of destruction in his wake. She wasn't the self proclaimed grown up who had conditioned herself to be his brother's proper wife.

With her, he felt strong, worthy, and capable. So many times she'd come to him -her heart broken, and looked at him with pleading eyes. There was such trust there. She believed in him. She trusted him and that, that simple truth, had made him begin to believe in himself again.

Each time she told him she wasn't worthy of his brother's love, his heart broke a little. To him, she was perfect. She was wild and unpredictable. She was fun and willing to live a life with adventure. She didn't need all the answers upfront. The questions were part of the journey.

Putting all that into words seemed impossible as the tears already began to sting at his eyes.

"I've got so much to say to you, Phyllis. Please...just open your eyes."

* * *

" _Open your eyes," Billy said softly smiling as he watched her turn and take in the room._

 _"Billy," she whispered. "What did you do?"_

 _The living room was empty save for a table and two chairs in the center. On it were flowers, candles, and lunch for two._

 _He turned her towards him. "Well, the lunch is obvious," he smiled, "but the rest...I just..this place was mine before and I want it to be ours. I want you to walk in here and feel like it's home because that's what I want. I want this to be your home"_

 _Phyllis blinked, standing silent for a moment._

 _Billy started talking again, disturbed b_ y the _silence. "I thought we could make the choices together, you know." He looked into here eyes again, "But I get it...you know if you want to keep your suite at the club. I mean it's too fast. I get it."_

 _She stared up at him then, searching for the words and, finding none, simply wrapped her arms around his neck and pressing her lips to his. After a moment, she pulled away, "First thing,"she said with a smile, "we got to do something about these walls...this color's too damn depressing and I've got a feeling this is going to be a happy house."_


	5. Chapter 5

Jack stood outside the door, his hand resting on the handle. He wanted to prepare himself for what might await him-what he might find inside. He couldn't help but remember the days he'd spent by her bedside not that long ago. How those days had stretched into weeks, then months... Not again, he silently prayed. He couldn't go through that again.

He pushed the door open slightly and saw Billy turn in surprise.

"Jack," Billy said, dropping Phyllis' hand and standing up. "I just thought someone should be in here...you know.." The words felt awkward as they fell from his mouth and he hoped Jack was too distracted to notice the undercurrent of emotion in the room.

"I'm glad you were here," he said, smiling and clutching hiS brother's shoulder supportively. "I know you two are close. You've been there for her this past year when I wasn't always the best support system." Jack paused, his eyes resting on his wife as she lay silent in the hospital bed. "I don't think I've ever thanked you for that. I was so busy being sanctimonious."

"Jack...Jack...we don't need to talk about that right now. Phyllis knows how much you love her. She knows you were always there for her." He swallowed hard. This was too much-standing here, listening to his brother sing his praises, listening to him thank him for being there for his wife. It was a particularly horrific form of torture.

"I'm gonna be out here," Billy said suddenly, "Give you two some time."

* * *

Billy stepped outside and watched as Summer stood and rushed to meet him.

"How is she?," she asked, her voice steeped in worry.

Billy shook his head. "We don't know anything...she's hanging in. Just watching and waiting for her to wake up".

Summer looked at him, watching as the emotion played across his face. "Jack has no idea does he?"

"No idea about what?" Billy asked.

"That you're in love with her," Summer said simply.

* * *

"I've had enough of this, Red," Jack said, softly running his fingers across her face. "You aren't the silent type. You want to

just let me know you can hear me? Do something...anything?"

He watched intently for a moment. Part of him honestly believed she would respond. He sighed. "I'm so sorry if you ever felt like I didn't understand you or if you ever thought, even for a second, that I didn't want to have this life with you. You're everything to me, Red. I love everything about you. I just want you to come back to me now. I need you. I can't do this without you."

" _Sweetheart, I can't do this without you." Jack's voice echoed through the room as Phyllis finally emerged at the top of the stairs._

 _She smiled at him as she descended the steps, "Hi," she whispered, walking up to the desk to stand behind him. She pressed her lips to his cheek quickly as she looked at the computer screen. "What are you looking at?"_

 _"I'm trying to decide on the menu for the party." He glanced backwards over his shoulder. "You know you're better at this stuff than I am. I wish you'd take over."_

 _Phyllis sighed. "Honey, I really wish you'd let this go. Billy already told you he didn't need this. I don't even think he wants it."_

 _"You're normally the first person to get on board with a party, Red. Why are you fighting me on this? I'm the best man...it's part of my responsibility"_

 _"I just don't think we should do something if Billy doesn't want it. Maybe they want something simple or small...maybe they want to elope." Phyllis turned, walking away and putting a short distance between them. She had to stop this. Her emotional reactions to all things Billy were becoming more and more difficult to explain._

 _She could hear Jack reading off the plans for the engagement party and she felt physically ill. Her heart began to beat faster and she fought to catch her breath._

Shrill beeping sounded and Jack stood helpless as he watched doctors and nurses rush into room _._

"What's going on?" he pleaded as he felt hands on him pushing him out the door.


	6. Chapter 6

Jack stood outside the door as he watched the doctors and nurses frantically rush around the room. He felt frozen, unable to speak or move-barely even able to force the air through his lungs.

The sound of Billy's raised, angered voice sounded so far away, even though he was barely five feet away.

Billy slammed his hands onto the desk in front of him. The nurse looked up at him, her eyes filled with more irritation than compassion. "Sir, as I said, someone will be out soon. Right now you simply have to wait."

"All I've been doing is waiting. I'm damn tired of waiting!" He turned, feeling Summer's hand on his shoulder.

"Hey," she said softly, "She's gonna be ok."

Billy looked at her, realizing just how good it felt to talk to someone who knew. He had no idea how, and at the moment, it didn't matter, he was just grateful to have someone that understood.

"She has to be. I can't lose her, Summer. Not now..."

* * *

"How is she?" Jack stood in front of Stitch as he walked from the room. Billy and Summer approached quickly, their hands clasped.

"Why don't we all have a seat?," Stitch said quietly.

Jack nodded, moving towards a row of chairs.

"I don't want to have a seat," Billy countered, his voice terse and shaking, "I want you to tell us how she's doing.

"We've got her stabilized and she seems to be doing well." Stitch paused for a moment. "However we have found another issue and that's what I need to speak with you about."

"What kind of issue?" The words were out of his mouth before he even thought. Billy met his brother's eyes. "I'm sorry, Jack. You should be asking the questions. I'm just...I..." He stopped. There was no good way to finish that sentence-not now-not ever.

"Don't be sorry. I'm so grateful you were with her." He turned back towards Stitch. "You said there was an issue?"

"Yes-I don't mean to alarm you. This is treatable, but also important to watch. It appears Phyllis has a myocardial contusion. We're running some more tests to determine the severity of the injury, but simply stated, she's bruised the muscles in and around her heart."

"How do you treat it?" Summer asked, glancing over at Billy.

"We have to wait and see how severe the injury is before we decide on a treatment plan, but for now we keep her as relaxed as possible, we monitor her vital signs, and we've got her set up on a 24 hour EKG to make sure no cardiac events occur."

"Cardiac events?" Billy questioned. "That's a nice way of saying heart attack, right? How serious is this, exactly? I mean I know you said you can treat it, but you can treat cancer too-people still die."

"Billy..." Jack began

"You know you're thinking the same damn thing, Jack, and if you're not, you should be. We need to know. Could Phyllis die?"


	7. Chapter 7

**Author's Note: Thank you all for your follows and reviews. I'm writing this as I go, so please feel free to comment if there are particular ideas you'd like me to include or if there's a way you'd like the story to go! I love to hear your opinions!**

Summer took the seat next to Billy. She said nothing for a moment, choosing instead to study Billy's face, wondering how Jack didn't see what she did-the deep lines in his forehead, the way he stopped breathing every time a doctor or nurse moved too quickly, how his voice cracked when he asked the question-the one he hadn't wanted to ask, but also couldn't stand not knowing the answer to.

"How long?"she said finally, her tone soft.

"What?" Billy asked. He hadn't been listening. He'd barely even registered her presence. His eyes had been transfixed on the door to the hospital room, his mind busy replaying Stitch's earlier answer to his question.

" _It's not a hard question. You said it can be treated, but what if the treatment doesn't work or what if the treatment makes her worse. What is this treatment anyway?" Billy looked over at Jack, his heart pounding, his throat barely able to contain the screams that welled up within him._

 _"How are you just sitting there? Why aren't you asking these questions?" He stared at his brother, his seemingly calm, collected demeanor an affront to his heart that was breaking in a million pieces._

 _"I'm just trying to focus on the fact that she's stable, Billy." His eyes glistened with tears as he stared at Summer who had barely taken her eyes off Billy. "I can't entertain any other option."_

 _"That's great, Jack." He stood, slamming the chair back and walking towards the room door. "Just live in that world-where when you don't say it, it doesn't exist. If you don't acknowledge it, it's not reality." He turned back towards them, "I can't do that. I can't pretend everything's gonna be fine. I need to know."_

 _Jack slowly stood and walked over. "I get it," he said softly. "You and Phyllis are close and it must feel like you lose the people closest to you all the time, but Phyllis is strong and you heard Stitch-she's stable now."_

 _"Now. She's stable now."_

 _"And there's every reason to believe she'll stay that way." Stitch joined the two men. "In most cases, myocardial contusions heal like any other bruise. It may take some time and there could be some complications, but in the vast majority of the patients I've seen, the prognosis has been very good."_

 _"See, she's going to be fine. You just heard him. He just told us-there's no reason to worry."_

 _"I didn't exactly say that," Stitch added warily. "I'm very optimistic that Phyllis will recover without any complications, however, I obviously can't guarantee that we won't encounter any issues."_

 _"What kind of complications?" Billy asked, his voice shaking a bit._

 _"Arrhythmia, fainting, low blood pressure-worst case scenario-aortic ruptures, ventricular failure," Stitch watched as the concern settled on their faces. "Again, there's no reason to believe Phyllis will experience_ _anything but a complete recovery."_

"Billy," Summer said, her hand resting on his arm now, "Are you ok?"

He blinked, realizing just how long he'd been lost in his own thoughts. "Yeah-I'm sorry. I was just thinking. What did you say?"

"I just wanted to know how long you've been in love with my Mom?"

"Summer," Billy glanced around, "I really don't think we should be talking about this here."

"Right because it's so much more productive to berate doctors and nurses for doing their jobs?" Her eyes softened as she looked as him, the worry evident on his face. "You have to talk to somebody or you're going to completely lose it. That's the last thing my mom needs right now."

Billy sighed. "She loves you, you know...so much. I don't know that I've ever seen her as upset as she was when the two of you were at odds. It broke her heart to think you thought less of her."

Summer nodded, "I know. I hated fighting with her. She's the one person I always know I can count on and I want to be that for her-though I get the feeling she may have a few people vying for that title."

"Right. Jack. He loves her. She knows that and I know she loves him too. That's why this is so hard. We both love and respect him. Neither of us want him hurt, but I can't stand feeling like this. I can't stand not being able to be in there. I can't stand not being able to explain why I want to climb the walls right now. I just want to hold her hand. I just want to tell her everything is going to be ok."

"I'm sure Jack would understand if you went in."

"I can't. I can't pretend that there's nothing between us. I want her to know I'm here. I want her to know how I feel. I can't ask Jack to leave-that's his wife. He deserves this time. I don't have any right to ask him anything."

Summer sat still for a moment watching as Billy sat still in the chair. She sighed before standing and walking over the door. Jack's head turned towards the noise as she entered the room.

"Summer," he said softly. "I'm sorry. I've been monopolizing the time a bit haven't I?" He looked down at Phyllis, her eyes still closed the bruises on her face becoming slightly darker. "I just can't seem to leave her. I'm afraid she'll wake up and I won't be here."

"It's ok. I'm here. I was actually thinking about Aunt Avery. Has anyone called her or Daniel?"

"No. I haven't. This all happened so fast...I honestly hadn't even thought about it." Jack stood. "Why don't you spend some time with your Mom and I'm going to step outside and try and get in touch with Avery and Daniel. The reception in here is pretty bad."

Summer nodded. "Sure."

Jack moved towards the door then stopped. "If she wakes up, tell her I'll be right back." He smiled before heading out the door.

Summer watched her mother for a moment before walking to the door herself. "Billy." She motioned towards the room and smiled.

"What did you do? Where's Jack?"

"He went to call Aunt Avery and Daniel. I doubt he'll be long, but you have a few minutes."

"Thank you, a Summer. I.."

"Don't thank me. Just be there for her...that's enough for me." Summer walked out of the room and stood by the door. She shifted her weight nervously from foot to foot and she peered down the corridor for Jack. Part of her felt guilty for betraying the trust of a man she knew loved her mother, a man she knew loved her, a man that she believed to be her father for years. The other part of her understood what it meant to love someone that everyone said you shouldn't. She remembered the way it had felt when everyone and everything had attempted to keep Austin away from her. Nothing could have...nothing except what finally did.

* * *

Billy pulled the chair closer the bed, hesitating before gently taking her hand in his. "Phyllis," he whispered. "It's me. I'm here. I've been here the whole time. I'm not leaving...not until you do. I swear."

He looked at her-so still and quiet, so unlike the woman he knew, so different from the woman he'd fallen in love with.

"Listen-I know things haven't been exactly normal for us. We haven't had the usual relationship. I'm not like Jack-I don't know all the little things yet. I don't have a nickname for you. I don't know your favorite song or how you like your coffee, but I want to know all those things, Phyllis. I know our relationship is different, but our feelings aren't. I love you-every bit as much as Jack does-maybe more and I think you love me too. You and Jack have history, but you and I have a connection and you can't create that. You can't buy it. You can't learn it. It either is or it isn't."

He stopped for a moment, taking a second to gently brush the hair away from her face. "I just need you to know that I love you. I need you to know that I want a life with you. This isn't about a fling for me. This isn't some form of revenge or rebellion. This is real. This is me...here...loving you."


	8. Chapter 8

Summer crept quietly into the room, her eyes apologetic as she looked at Billy.

"Sorry. I just didn't want Jack to come back and see me outside. He asked me to stay with her." It was hard looking at her mother as she lay so still in that hospital bed. It brought back memories of a time not too long ago when she'd spent far too long trapped in a world away from them. The memories of those days and nights spent by her bedside were still all too fresh in her mind.

Harder still was watching Billy. What Jack passed off as care and concern for a sister-in-law and friend, she knew to be much more. Sharing the knowledge of his secret torment tonight was especially heartbreaking.

She moved closer to the side of the bed, touching her mother's arm gently. "We're all here, Mom...all of us. We all love you."

"She's right, Red."

Summer and Billy jumped, both slightly startled by the sound of Jack's voice.

Seemingly unaware, Jack continued, moving close to Phyllis on the opposite side of the bed, "I just spoke with Avery and Daniel. Avery is in the middle of a big court case. She, of course, was ready to jump right on a plane, but I assured her that everything was just fine and that I would give you all her love. You can't make a liar out of me, Red. As for Daniel, he is every bit your son-stubborn to a fault. As much as I assured him that you were going to be fine, he needs to see for himself. He's making arrangements for someone to stay with Lucy and he'll be out here as soon as he can. You don't want him to see you like this do you?"

Billy turned, slowly exiting the room as Summer followed.

"Where are you going?" she asked.

He drew in a deep breath. "I don't know." Summer stared up at him, her eyes filled with compassion, concern, and questions. "That's your Mom in there. You should be in there with her-not out here comforting me."

"Jack is with Mom and besides, Mom would want me to make sure you're ok. She wouldn't want you out here brooding all alone."

"Who says I brood?," he asked, sitting down with a sigh and a slight smile.

Summer joined, sitting next to him. "Actually-mom...her words, not mine"

"The two of you talked about me?" Various thoughts flashed through his mind in an instant. While he was flattered Phyllis cared enough to mention him in conversation at all, he had to wonder exactly why she'd been discussing him and what they had discussed. "What did you two talk about?"

Summer shook her head vigorously. "Nothing like that." She looked at him, realizing just how little she knew about this man her mother felt so strongly about. "We've talked about you a couple times-mainly about how you helped her deal with her anger towards Grandpa. She said you knew what it was like to brood and self-destruct and that you didn't judge her."

"I don't." Billy sat quietly for a moment. "What she went through-I don't know how you get over that, but I don't blame her for being angry. I don't blame her for wanting justice. I just want to see her happy. I don't want her to hurt anymore."

* * *

Jack reached into his pocket, his fingers finding the rings Stitch had handed him after the accident. Gently, he raised her hand to his lips, placing a gentle kiss on her fingertips before sliding the rings back on her fingers.

"There," he whispered, "back where they belong". He held her hand in his as he stared down at the rings.

The sound was so soft that, for a moment, he was certain he imagined it. He stopped, not moving, afraid to even breathe for fear whatever happened might not happen again-if anything had even happened at all. Then he saw it. Her eyelids fluttered before opening. The emerald green orbs barely visible as she struggled to adjust to the light in the room.

Jack stood, tears stinging his eyes. "Red," he breathed, kissing her hand over and over, his heart pounding, his own hands trembling. "Thank God," he whispered. "Thank God."

She struggled to find her focus, the lights in the room bringing with them excruciating pain. She closed her eyes for a moment, before struggling to open them again. Everything felt heavy, even the air in the room seemed thick and weighted. Her lips were dry and tight and she tried in vain to get her mouth to form words.

"It's ok," Jack assured her. "It's ok. Don't try to talk. I'm going to get Stitch to take a look at you."

He moved to walk away from the bed but felt her hand wrap around his. He looked back, her eyes now wider than they had been.

She took in a breath, a task that in and of itself now seemed difficult. Licking her lips, she concentrated, moving her lips to try and form the word-the name she'd said so many times-the only thing that truly mattered to her now.

* * *

Images like the inside of a kaleidoscope seemed to shift and move inside her brain. Nothing made sense, nothing seemed real. Faces and sounds and smells overwhelmed her. The throbbing pain in her head made concentrating all the more difficult as she tried to piece together the fractured events of the evening. His face. His voice. The feel of his hand. That she was sure of. He had been there tonight...with her and if that were true, if that was the one thing she was certain of, where was he now?

Her heart began to beat faster as her mind drifted into dark places.

"Phyllis." Jack grasped her hand tighter now. "Hey...it's ok. I'm here. You're ok. Just relax. Take a deep breath."

She gasped. Her mind screaming, her lips furiously trying to form the word.

Stitch burst into the room with two nurses behind him. "Jack, I'm gonna need you to step back."

Jack obeyed watching helpless from the corner. He shifted his gaze to the doorway where Summer and Billy stood now, stepping inside, their eyes wide with concern.

Jack's eyes met theirs. "She woke up," he said, he voice breaking.

Billy reached out then, clasping his hand on his brother's shoulder. "She'll be ok," he said, needing to hear the words aloud every bit as much as his brother.

The machine's shrill sounds suddenly slowed and the room grew quiet.

"Easy," Stitch warned, his hand resting on Phyllis' shoulder as he adjusted the oxygen. "Just relax."

She still struggled to sit up. That voice. His voice.

Stitch held her still easily. "Not yet. Your blood pressure is too low. We can't sit you up yet. Just relax." He motioned to the three across the room. "Everyone's here," he said. "You're not missing anything."

The pain that accompanied the sharp intake of breath no longer mattered. Even the throbbing pain in her head seemed to fade as she refused to close her eyes. He was here. Beside her. He was okay. She breathed again, her heart rate slowing, steadying.

"Billy," she whispered.


	9. Chapter 9

The relief on her face was evident and she felt her body relax, allowing her head to rest against the pillows.

"Vitals are normal," the nurse said quietly, scribbling a note on the chart before stepping away.

No one else spoke for a moment until Billy stepped forward. "Hey," he breathed, now struggling to steady his own breathing as he looked into her eyes. Hours before he'd been afraid he might never look into those eyes again and now she was here, calling his name.

Jack smiled, stepping up beside his brother and touching her shoulder. "You're something else, Red. You're laying here in a hospital bed and you're worrying about my brother. I bet you remembered seeing him last night, right? You were afraid he was in the accident?"

Phyllis closed her eyes, banishing the thoughts from her mind. She was afraid she had lost him forever. He stood right next to her now, his eyes staring into hers, yet she still didn't truly have him. So quickly life could change. In in an instant, everything you knew to be true could be gone. She looked up, her eyes finding Billy's again. She reached for his hand, grasping for it.

"Sorry," she managed, opening her mouth slowly and gratefully accepting the water Summer offered.

"You don't need to be sorry." Billy stared at her, unsure of how to respond, though he desperately wanted to tell her how much he loved her, how much he needed her, how much more certain he was of both of those things now. Yet no matter how much how much he wanted to tell her and touch her, he could see the relief on his brother's face. He'd watched him pace these floors right along with him and he knew his own pleasure would come at the expense of his brother's immeasurable pain.

"No. No." The words came easier now as the water soothed her dry throat. She couldn't. Not one more moment. She couldn't pretend, wasting precious moments, time that could be spent saying the words that mattered most. "I love you." She took a breath, steadying herself, locking eyes with him as she said it again, "I love you."

Bliss and heartache, joy and pain, exquisite relief and overwhelming dread-All those feelings and more overwhelmed his mind as he stood, staring, holding her hand in his. Her voice was weak but her words were clear. She loved him. She'd said it in front of everyone. He wanted to pretend they were the only two people in the room, but couldn't. He could feel the weight of their eyes as they all stared at him.

"Sweetheart," Jack said gently, pushing in front of Billy slightly and taking her hand. "You ok?" He looked up at Stitch, his eyes questioning.

"I think we need to let Phyllis rest for now. Let's talk outside."

Stitch motioned towards the door leading them into the hallway. Jack pressed his lips to her forehead. "I'll be right outside," he whispered. Summer leaned in for a quick hug before moving towards the door.

Billy gripped her hand, locking eyes with her before following Jack and Summer from the room.

* * *

"Look Jack," Billy began, his mind racing with thoughts. Phyllis didn't need this now. Stitch had been clear, no stress, keep her calm and comfortable. As much as he wanted to be with her. As much as he wanted this charade to be over, he couldn't risk Phyllis' health-not for anything.

"Billy. Billy." Jack raised his hands to stop him. "It's ok. You don't have to explain. It's pretty clear what's going on here." The edge in his voice was obvious.

Summer stood behind him, her eyes meeting Billy's, her concern evident. From the moment she'd seen them together in the park, she'd known their relationship was one that would surely bring chaos. At the time, however, she had no way of knowing how deep their feelings were. At first she'd been angry, ashamed that her mother had fallen into yet another relationship sure to destroy a family, but after months of watching them together, she'd come to believe this was about more than a thrill, and more than an attraction.

"Um..Is my Mom ok? I mean she's awake, but is she ok?" Summer glanced over at Stitch. Her concern legitimate but also a well-placed diversion. Now wasn't the time for this discussion.

Jack wrapped his arm around Summer. "She's just confused, sweetheart. I'm sure that's all it is." He looked over at Stitch, his eyes seeking confirmation. He'd heard the words as they came from her mouth and, in that instant, his heart stopped. For months, he'd been pushing aside doubts, convincing himself their problems were the result of their respective past trauma, but he wondered now if he'd been kidding himself. Could there be more to it?

"It's very common for concussed patients to experience confusion-even memory loss when they regain consciousness. Coupled with Phyllis' lowered blood pressure and the medications we've been giving her to regulate her heart rate, her altered mental state is completely understandable." He looked at Jack, his voice serious. "Don't worry about this. The important thing here is that she's awake and responsive. Once she gets some rest and has some time to get her bearings, I'm sure she'll be just fine."

"Thanks Stitch," Jack said, offering his hand.

Billy sighed, watching his brother without a word. Jack turned, looking at his brother. Billy glanced away, barely able to handle looking him in the eye.

"I'm sorry. I don't know what to say." Jack shook his head, letting the air that had felt trapped in his chest finally escape. "I think this night just finally got to me. I don't know what I was thinking. It just..." He shook his head, unable to put the horrible thoughts he'd been entertaining into words. "I'd been waiting so long for her to open her eyes and then she did. I guess when she said your name it..." His eyes filled with tears as he relived the moment. "I just thought it would be me."

"Jack." Billy shook his head. He couldn't listen to his brother apologize to him. He was standing there, telling him how much the truth would devastate him. This was a front row preview of the hell they would inflict upon him when it all came out. "Don't apologize to me. Please."

"No. You've got to let me say this. I need to tell you this." He ran his hand over his face, silently chastising himself for the ridiculousness of the thoughts, for the petty feelings and wasted energy. "These last few months I've been a little jealous of the relationship you and Phyllis have."

Billy looked down at his feet. He felt sick to his stomach, the guilt literally welling up inside him like a physical mass.

"I know," he continued. "I know it sounds ridiculous and petty, but Phyllis always seemed to turn to you. Every time she needed someone, it was you. When she needed to talk, she called you. When she needed somewhere to get away, she went to you. You were her safe place to fall and I wanted to be that for her, but I couldn't. She didn't want me. She wanted you. I guess after a while I started to get these crazy ideas in my head. I started to wonder if there was more going on."

"Jack..."

"You don't have to say anything. I know. I know how ridiculous it is. Even now-hearing the words out loud it sounds crazy. You were there for her when she needed someone. You were there when I couldn't be what or who she needed. I don't know why, but I do know that I'm grateful. I'm grateful she had you to go to."

"She helped me too. She's a good listener." He glanced over at Summer who had taken a seat a few chairs down her face fixated on her phone's screen.

Jack smiled. "That's good. Listen, I know things are a little strange right now, but the most important thing here is that Phyllis stays calm. We don't want to upset her."

Billy cleared his throat. "Of course not."

"So until things settle down, we let her make the rules. If she wants you with her, that's what she gets."

"Jack, I'm sure she..."

"Billy." He reached out, laying his hand on his shoulder. "It's ok."

Billy nodded, forcing a smile and clasping his hand on top of his brother's.

Jack smiled, straightening his coat. "I'm going to go make a few calls and spread some good news. Then I thought I might make a cafeteria run. Can I get you two anything?"

"No thanks," Summer answered, smiling up at him.

"I'm good," Billy responded.

* * *

His legs felt impossibly weak as he lowered himself into the chair, cradling his face in his hands.

Summer turned to Billy. "That was horrible. Absolutely horrible. What are you going to do?"

This was the question he'd asked himself at least a hundred times. There had been moments over the past few months where he had been the biggest supporter of telling Jack the truth but tonight, as he stood looking into his brother's eyes, he realized the depth of his trust-and not just in Phyllis, in him as well.

"I have to see her," he said quietly.

Summer reached out, grabbing his arm. "Stitch said she needed to rest."

"I won't be long," Billy protested already heading for the door.

* * *

Phyllis opened her eyes at the sound of the door.

"Hi," she said quietly.

Billy walked quickly to the side of the bed. "Hi yourself." He couldn't help but smile as he looked at her. He knew they faced certain pain but somehow, in this moment, it didn't matter.

Her hand felt cold as he held it and brought it to his lips. "You scared the hell out of me."

"I'm sorry," she whispered.

"Don't be. Just get better. I need you." He paused for a moment. "I love you...so much."

She squeezed his hand, her throat tightening a bit, "I love you too." She felt the tears begin to fall down her cheeks and his fingertips were there in an instant, gently brushing them away.

"I was so afraid I'd never get to say that to you again." The smile on her face faded as she thought about the night. "Earlier...what I said.." She swallowed hard, her big green eyes wide as she stared at him. "Does Jack?"

Billy stroked her hand softly. "That's what we need to talk about."


	10. Chapter 10

The picture was bigger now than it had been minutes ago when she'd opened her eyes. In that moment her eyes, mind, and heart had been solely focused on Billy. She'd heard his voice and the rest of the room had fallen away along with her inhibitions. Now, as she looked deep into his eyes, she was jolted back to their reality.

"I'm so sorry, Billy. I just-it just came out. You know I would never do something like that without discussing it with you."

"Shhh," he soothed, stroking the locks of hair that lay alongside her neck. "I don't want you to worry about anything, you hear me? Jack doesn't know anything. He thinks the concussion and the medications have you confused. He's ok."

Phyllis blinked. "So he's not upset?"

"He's worried about you. We all are. You let me worry about Jack. I'll handle everything with him. There's one more _thing,_ though..." He paused as he saw the concern settle in her eyes.

"Relax," he commanded softly, "Summer knows."

"You told Summer?" She struggled to sit up more. "Why would you do that?"

"I didn't tell her. She already knew."

"How? How could she know?" She ran her hand across her face, grimacing as the IV pulled in her skin.

His warm hands covered hers, holding them in his. He stared at her for a moment before speaking. "I don't know how Summer found out. All I know is that she knows and she's ok. She knows how much I love you and she wants you to be happy."

She smiled at him, not protesting as he adjusted the pillows behind her hand and helped her lean back onto them.

"I need you to trust me on this," he said quietly. "As much as you hate relinquishing control and letting someone else take care of things, I need you to let me do that now. I want you to promise me that you're not gonna spend one more minute worrying about Jack or Summer or anybody else finding out about us."

"What about you?" Her lips curled into a slight smile, "Can I worry about you?"

He leaned in, brushing his lips against hers for a moment. "You don't need to worry about me. I'm fine and I'll be even better once you're out of this hospital bed and back in mine." He smiled at her before turning more serious again.

"No worrying," he repeated, "but I'll make you a deal. You can't worry about me, but you can think about me because all I'm doing is thinking about you."

He sat quietly, holding her hand in his, watching the gentle rise and fall of her chest. Her eyes were closed now and he was certain she asleep, yet he still sat there enjoying the simple pleasure of being in her presence.

This wasn't what he wanted-not for himself, but certainly not for her. She deserved better than a shameful, secret tryst. Their meetings were hidden and rushed as if what they were doing was heinous and vile. It wasn't right and they both knew it, but somehow each time they tried to end things the pull seemed to get stronger.

The dreams that used to involve sex, wine, and not much else now included much more. Phyllis had become the face that he woke up to in the morning, the woman having dinner across the table. He dreamed of them walking together in the park with the kids, building a home...together.

But, he thought, gently slipping his hand away from hers and heading towards the door, he always had to wake up.

* * *

 ** _Three Days Late_ r**

"How's Mom doing today?"

Billy looked up from his laptop to see Summer standing before him. "She's good-great actually. Stitch is in there now giving her one final once over and unless something comes up, she's out of here today."

Summer nodded. "Yeah that's what Jack said when I talked to him earlier. He said he told Daniel Mom was doing better, and that he could take his time getting out here so he'd be able to have a longer visit with us. He's supposed to fly in later this week.

Billy nodded.

Summer took a seat beside him, "Jack also told me about your idea".

She didn't want to do this. She didn't want to insinuate herself into her mother's relationship and she certainly didn't want to have this conversation with Billy, a man she barely knew.

He closed the laptop before turning his body to face her. "Let me guess-you don't approve."

"It's not about approving. It's not my business. I know that. I just worry that this is asking for trouble. The two of you aren't exactly known for your restraint."

"Summer, I didn't do this to get time alone with Phyllis..."

Her eyes narrowed, incredulously.

"I didn't do this just to get time alone with Phyllis. The truth is Phyllis and I were both heavily involved with PassKey. We both know the company. You know your Mom. She's never going to hand over the reigns to someone if she doesn't think they know what they're doing. In fact she's never going to hand over the reigns period. Stitch said she needed low stress and light work for four to six weeks. For Phyllis, that's ten hour days instead of twelve."

Summer sighed. "You're right, but why not just offer to take the majority of the workload. Why set up shop at your house? The two of you there all day alone...it's a recipe for..."

"Disaster?" Billy smirked.

"That's one word."

"Look, I know it sounds crazy, but it makes a lot of sense if you think about it. Jack is going to be swimming in work at Jabot without his senior VP. He's also got all the foundation stuff which takes up a ton of time. He can't handle all of that and be home to keep an eye on Phyllis. Could he hire a nurse? Sure, but can you imagine how well that would go over?"

Summer smiled at the thought.

"Anyway, I told Jack we could set up a home office at my place. He could drop Phyllis off in the morning and I'd be around to make sure she didn't overdo it. I can help her if she needs it and we can brainstorm on PassKey so she doesn't feel like she's being kept out of the loop."

"Uh huh..and the fact that the two of you will be spending hours alone together everyday is just a bonus?"

"Happy coincidence. And besides we won't be alone all the time. Until school starts, Johnny and Katie will be with me some days. People will be in and out. It's gonna be fine." He looked at Summer, her brow still furrowed in concern.

"Hey," he said softly, "I know you're worried about your Mom and I know you care about Jack. I do too-believe me. I promise you, everything I'm doing right now is to make sure your Mom recovers without any problems. I wouldn't do anything to put her at risk. I know you don't know me very well, but you can believe that. When I tell you I will always put your mother and her happiness and safety first, trust me."


	11. Chapter 11

**Note: Thanks to all who have left such kind words. I will try to keep this story at least once a week. As always, please let me know what you'd like to see happen. I'm always interested in your ideas and opinions.**

The coffee stung at his lips as he took a small sip from the cup. A typical morning required two-sometimes three-cups to function. This morning was different. He woke before the alarm, not that he'd really slept at all and his usual morning stagger had been replaced by quick, purposeful steps.

He made his fifth trip to the window, his eyes searching the driveway and beyond, his heart beating faster as he saw the car turn into the driveway.

"Good morning," Jack called out, a bit of surprise in his voice, as he walked around the car to open the passenger side door. "I was afraid this might be too early for you."

"No..of course not. I was expecting you to be early. I'm sure you have plenty to do at the office."

Billy walked to the car, his eyes locking on hers as she stood and stepped out of the car.

She smiled, her eyes shining at him. She wore gray yoga pants with a gray tank. A thin black jacket lay loose on her small frame. Her hair was pulled up in a messy ponytail, her skin untouched by make-up.

"I feel fine," she said, her eyes still trained on him, "despite how I must look." She glanced back at Jack. "This one was certain getting dressed was simply too much stress. I guess I should count myself lucky he even let me shower alone."

Images flooded his mind and Billy swallowed hard. "He's just worried about you. We all are. It's nice to have people want to take care of you."

Phyllis groaned. "Yes-if you need to be taken care of...which I don't and I certainly don't need a babysitter."

"Sweetheart, I thought we'd been over this. Just please let Billy help you. The two of you can work on PassKey while I get some things done at the office. As long as I know you're here with my brother, I know you're being taken care of and I can get my stuff done without worrying about you."

Billy pulled the front door open wider, allowing Jack and Phyllis to step inside. That level of trust, in any other context, would be flattering. Now, it was like a slap in the face. Betraying his brother was something that tormented him, but to end this with Phyllis now would be an entirely different betrayal-a betrayal of his own heart and the beginning of a torment he wasn't sure he could survive.

"Just make yourself comfortable," he said, gesturing to the couch.

Phyllis took a seat as Jack sat her bag by her feet and turned to face Billy. "I don't know how to thank you for this. There's no way I'd be able to keep my head in Jabot if I didn't know you were here with her. I know you'll look after her. You know her and you'll make sure she doesn't manipulate you into letting her overdo it."

"Of course. She'll be fine. Is there anything I need to know...anything specific?"

"Her medication is in the bag. I wrote down the times in the notebook."

Billy nodded. "Sounds good."

Jack smiled, stepping back over to Phyllis and leaning down to softly kiss her cheek. "I'll see you tonight. I won't be late. You call me if you need me."

She waited until she heard the door close before turning around. Billy stood at the door, watching Jack pull out of the driveway. He turned, walking over to the couch, hesitating a moment before taking a seat beside her. The light from the window cast a golden glow on the peeks of shoulder her jacket didn't hide. He reached out, touching her face.

She turned away. This was a different, unsettling notion. Confidence was something she'd come to count on, but this strange, shy version of herself was unfamiliar.

"Hey," he moved closer, his words soft, his face so close to hers that she could feel the warmth of his breath on the nape of her neck as he continued, "what's wrong?"

"I just..." She sighed, irritated with herself for being so ridiculous. She reached up to smooth her hair. "I look horrible. Jack wouldn't let me put any makeup on. He didn't even want me to do anything with my hair it's just thrown up here and I..."

She stopped, staring at him.

Billy smiled, his eyes staring into hers. "Wow," he whispered, taking her hand and bringing it to his lips. "You really have no idea do you?"

"What?"

He smiled again, a soft chuckle escaping his lips. "When you got out of that car this morning, I thought you were the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen."

"Oh come on..."

"Uh uh." He covered her lips with his fingertips. "That night-the night of the accident-when I ran up to that scene and saw you..."

He closed his eyes, his body immediately back in that place. He could smell the fire and fuel, hear the frenzied screams, see the flashing lights. In his dreams he ran over to her again and again. Sometimes he reached her. Other times it was as if she kept moving further and further away-always close enough to see, but just out of reach. It was those nights he'd wake with a start, his chest heaving, his face drenched in sweat.

"I saw you laying on that stretcher. You weren't moving. I didn't know what to do. I sat in that ambulance and I held your hand and I prayed that you'd make it."

She could see the tears in his eyes, and she took his hands in hers, squeezing them slightly.

"And you did-you made it. You came back to me. I don't care what you're wearing, what you do, what you say-you being here-you being alive, it's the answer to my prayers."

She opened her mouth to speak, but suddenly nothing needed to be said. She slid down, her head resting on his chest, her shoulders encircled in his warm embrace. For now, this was enough.


	12. Chapter 12

"Ok. That's enough."

Phyllis glanced back over her shoulder as Billy lifted the laptop off her lap. He stood behind her smiling.

"Wait..wait. What are you doing? I'm in the middle of something here."

He placed the laptop on the shelf, walking around the couch and taking a seat beside her. "Nope. You're done for the day. Light work, no stress...remember?"

"Billy.."

"And you're not going to argue with me because I have a plan..." He smiled, reaching down beside the couch and pulling up a brown paper bag.

"Uh oh...Should I be worried? Did you have to cross state lines to purchase that? Show any ID?" She smiled then, moving closer and reaching across his chest towards the bag. Work was quickly becoming a distant memory.

"Sorry to disappoint you, gorgeous." He leaned in, kissing her quickly. "I just thought it would be nice to spend some time together...have some fun...get to know each other."

"Because we weren't having fun before?" She reached up, nuzzling into his neck, allowing her upper body to slide down his chest slowly.

"Oh...it was fun...a lot of fun." Billy sighed, wrapping his arms around her, pulling her closer to him. He breathed in, the scent of her shampoo mixing with her perfume. "I just...I want you to know it's enough for me just to be here with you. I want to spend time with you. We hardly ever get a chance to just be together-to enjoy each other."

He ran his fingers through her hair, happy to see the smile on her face. He continued, "I love you. I think you know that, but I want you to know that I like you too, and in some ways, I think that's even more important. That's why I thought we'd have a normal day."

"I thought we could find a movie to watch and have some snacks.." He reached into the bag, pulling out the wrapped brownies. "I don't know about your taste in movies, but I seem to remember something about triple chocolate frosted brownies?"

Phyllis smiled. It was so easy with him-so simple. She didn't have to pretend. She could say or do anything with no fear of judgment.

"I'm guessing by that smile that you're okay with the idea," he asked, allowing his fingers to trail through her hair.

"It's perfect," she sighed.

* * *

"It's called compromise," she giggled, wriggling away from him with the remote in hand.

"Explain to me again how a movie with Princess in the title is a compromise?"

"I will be happy to just as soon as you explain how you can honestly tell me that Easy Rider is your favorite movie?"

"Come on," he groaned, letting his head fall back on the cool leather of the coach. "It's the perfect movie...two guys on bikes breaking rules, living their life on their terms"

"Selling some drugs, using some drugs, going to jail," she teased, "all signs of a life well lived"

"Right, like your pick showcases morality at its finest," he quipped.

"Pretty Woman is nothing like Easy Rider. It's a love story."

"That started on a street corner..." Billy laughed softly as he watched her, her shoulders relaxed, her eyes sparkling, a real, genuine smile resting on her face. He wanted it to stay like this-just like this. There was an ease between them, a comfort they found only in each other.

"Which is exactly why this movie is perfect," she sighed, snuggling into his arms again. "I still can't believe you've never seen it."

"Call me crazy-I tend to skip over movies with titles like The Princess Bride."

She glanced up at him, smiling as his eyes met hers. "You'll like it...trust me."

He took the remote, pressing the button to make the selection. "I always do."

* * *

She sighed contentedly as she turned onto her back, her head in his lap, and looked up at him. "Go ahead...let's hear it...give it to me straight."

"It wasn't bad," he smiled, laughing as she narrowed her eyes in disbelief. "It would have been nice if they had been riding Harleys instead of horses, but it was good."

She slapped his chest playfully as she sat up, still staying close beside him. "You really liked it? You're not just saying that?"

"What's not to like," he whispered, brushing his lips against hers. "A movie with a message-true love conquers all...we can all use the reminder every once in a while."

He could feel the tension return to her body, her once relaxed shoulders now hunched and tight. She turned towards him, her eyes wider.

"Do you really think that's true, Billy? Do you think love is enough to overcome anything?"

* * *

They started to fall before he could stop them and in minutes he found himself holding her in his arms, trying desperately to stop the tears.

"Hey," he said quietly, gently reaching out and wiping the tears from her face. "Where's all this coming from?"

Phyllis took a shaky breath. "I just...I've been thinking a lot about you..about us...especially since the accident. It all could have been over that night...so fast. My entire life could have ended and I would have died with regrets. I know that Jack loves me and I love him too, but what you and I have..."

She paused. There weren't words for this feeling. It wasn't like anything she'd ever felt before. It was love, but more than that it was freedom. It was truth. It was the ability to be real without reservation. Billy gave her the confidence to be herself without exception, without fear, and without shame. He loved without conditions, without rules, without boundaries.

"What we have is unlike anything I've ever felt before. With you I feel more like myself."

"So why the tears?" Billy stroked her back softly.

"Because I can't see the end here...there's no light. Telling Jack now is going to blow up this entire family..."

"I just don't think now is the best time to tell him. Until you're doing better, we need to keep things as low key as possible. That kind of stress is the last thing you need."

"Right, and lying to my husband every day is just a day at the spa."

The breath left his lungs in a quick burst and he looked away.

"I'm sorry."

He turned back towards her as he felt her warm hands on his. "You don't have to be. You're right. I know it's hard for you and if I could fix this...if there was someway that I could clean this whole mess up and not let any of the fall out touch you, believe me, I would do that, but any way we do this-it's going to be messy."

Phyllis nodded, closing her eyes at the thought of everyone that would be hurt by their decisions. "I know."

"Look at me." His eyes locked with hers and he smiled as he saw her face soften under his touch. "Just give it a little more time...I know you think you're the strongest woman in the world, but I don't want to take any chances. I don't know what I would do if anything ever happened to you." He kissed her lips before continuing.

"But know this, as soon as you're ready, we'll tell Jack the truth and then you and I will be together. I promise you...this will be worth waiting for for."


	13. Chapter 13

"I wish you hadn't gone through all this trouble." Phyllis sat down on the couch her eyes roaming the spread of food in front of her. "I'm really not all that hungry."

"Nonsense." Jack leaned in placing the soft, cloth napkin on her lap and brushing his lips across her forehead. "You have to eat so you can get your strength back. You don't want to have to be Billy's charge forever do you?"

He laughed softly and she forced a smile in return allowing her mind to drift back to being with Billy just hours before.

"So you just tell me what I need to do to keep that smile on your beautiful face?"

"You don't have to do anything," she whispered. "It's just gonna take a little bit of time that's all."

Time? That's what Billy had promised-give it time and then they could be together, but time was such an open concept. How much time? A week? A month? Six months? A year? Years? When will it ever be time to drop a bomb like this?

"Red?" Jack called out to her, his hand reaching for hers.

Phyllis blinked, Jack's familiar voice jolting her back into her reality. "Yeah," she whispered.

"You look like you're a million miles away." He reached over, wrapping his arm around her shoulder and pulling her closer to him.

She sighed and allowed her head to drop to his shoulder. She didn't want to think tonight.

* * *

"You don't need to walk me inside. I'm not an invalid." She closed her eyes, the guilt already settling over her. Jack wanted to help and she didn't question his motives, but her frustration with him, with the entire situation was becoming harder and harder to hide.

She sat on the couch and turned towards him, her tone intentionally softer. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to snap at you..."

"It's alright...I understand. I know how much you hate feeling dependent. I know being doted on isn't your idea of romance." He smiled down at her, his eyes shining. "Soon enough you'll be back to your independent, fiery self."

He lips on her cheek felt more like a slap on the face as she forced a smile and heard him walk out the door. From the couch she could see him, his face more serious now as he stood talking to Billy.

* * *

"If you could just try to bolster his spirits a bit today." Jack his head before continuing. He wasn't sure when, but at some point he had stopped being the person Phyllis came to with her problems. They say tragedy brings people together, but in their case it seemed to just shine light on the weak spots in their relationship-weak spots that until now, he didn't even realize existed.

Billy stood, watching his brother. Thought he was certain Jack had no suspicions about him, it was clear he knew something was bothering Phyllis. "Maybe she's just tired, Jack? I mean, she's been through a lot and she's on a lot of medication. Maybe she's just sluggish."

"Maybe-I just can't shake the feeling that it's something more than that. Phyllis seems...I don't know-depressed."

"Maybe she's depressed," Billy huffed, his exasperation becoming more obvious. "Look Jack, you think maybe you're expecting a little too much? She just got out of the hospital. She's got people hovering over all the time. She can't go to the office. She can't drive herself...just think about it"

Jack closed his eyes and ran his hand down his face. "You know you're right. I'm being selfish. I'm just so happy to have her back and I want everything to go back to normal. I guess I'm just rushing things."

"You know what," Billy glanced through the window, his eyes falling on Phyllis' concerned face, "why don't you just go on to the office and try not to worry about this. I'll talk to her and see if I can get some idea of what might be going on."

* * *

"What was all that about?" The words left her lips in a rush. Part of her felt certain Bilky would never say anything without her knowledge and approval, but the other part, the part that gets more paranoid with each and every lie couldn't ever be sure.

"He thinks you're depressed. He wants me to try and lift your spirits." Billy smiled slyly and he sat on the couch beside her and slid to wrap her arms around her. Gently he tucked the hair behind her ears before leaning in for a kiss. Though he knew there were limits, he couldn't bring himself to pull away yet. The feel of her in his arms was every bit as addictive as any drug. He knew she was happiest when she was with him and in these moments, the logic of waiting for a better time seemed so very far away.

He felt her hands as they trailed down his shirt, her fingers taking their familiar route to the buttons. He placed his hands on hers, drawing in a deep breath before speaking, "Wait...wait..we can't"

"Daddy?" Johnny stood on the stairs.

Billy jerked back, sitting up and standing quickly. "Johnny-I thought you were sleeping." He glanced back down at Phyllis, her eyes wide.

"It's time for cartoon," the little boy said softly, rubbing his eyes and smiling sweetly at them.

Phyllis took a breath. "Sure it is." She patted the couch beside her, "Why don't you come sit down here next to me and we'll see what we can find?"

Johnny nodded happily, climbing up on the couch and quickly becoming distracted by the remote and the tv screen it controlled.

Phyllis looked at Billy, his face still taut with concern. She shrugged slightly. "Maybe your Daddy can go get us some breakfast while we pick a show."

Johnny nodded, barely looking away from the screen.

Phyllis shrugged her eyes meeting Billy's as he headed into the kitchen. Perhaps they had nothing to worry about after all.


	14. Chapter 14

"Alright buddy, chocolate chip pancakes and milk...just like your Mom makes." Billy stopped, holding the plate and cup in his hands as he looked over at Phyllis.

She smiled at him, the finger of her free hand pressed to her lip. Johnny was curled up tight against her side, fast asleep.

"I think he only thought he was ready to get up," she whispered.

Billy smiled, placing the plate and glass down on the coffee table. He pulled a chair closer to the sofa and sat down. "We're gonna have to have a talk when he wakes up," he grinned, his eyes twinkling mischievously, "the boy took my spot-that's not cool. There's a code."

Phyllis laughed softly. "You're gonna teach him early, huh?"

He nodded, still smiling broadly, his eyes watching as she gently stroked his son's hair. He'd never dreamed he'd be in this place-in love with this woman, imagining, dreaming, hoping for a life with her. And even though he now found himself in such a surprising place, he still didn't expect things to be normal. How could they be? Everything about their relationship had been abnormal, unconventional, against the odds.

At this moment though, as he sat there, watching his son sleep in her arms, he couldn't help but imagine that life, that normal everyday life and he wondered if she thought about it to.

"You look good with my kid."

She looked almost as surprised to hear the words as he was to actually say them. Overwhelming regret flooded his body as he imagined her pulling away from him, the reality of this becoming too much for her.

Her eyes softened and she smiled. "You know, I made so many mistakes with Daniel." She paused, memories pouring into her mind like waves. "I just can't even tell you...the choices I made, the reasons I made them-it's a miracle that kid even still speaks to me."

"Come on...every parent makes mistakes and Daniel knows how much you love him. He knows you'd do anything in the world for him."

"Yeah, well, I promised myself that if I ever got the chance to have another kid that I'd do it right-that I wouldn't make all the stupid mistakes again. When Summer was born I just wanted to do it right-to be a good Mom."

"Hey." Billy scooted towards the couch and took her hand in his. "You are a good Mom. Summer and Daniel both know how much they mean to you. They know they are always in your thoughts and that you'd do anything in the world for them."

* * *

"My God. It is so good to see you." Summer leaned in for another hug.

"It's good to see you too." Daniel grabbed his bag. "Thanks for picking me up, but you really didn't have to. I was gonna take a cab. I couldn't get a flight directly into town without a crazy layover-sorry about the drive."

"It's fine, really. It will give us time to talk..to catch up."

Daniel stopped. "That only sounds slightly ominous."

"You always did know me," she sighed.

She hadn't slept in days, the idea rattling around in her brain unmercifully. She'd been convinced she shouldn't tell him. She'd been certain she should. The drive her brought more indecision until finally she decided she had to tell someone and it might as well be her brother.

"There is something I need to talk to you about."

"It's not about Mom," he asked, the worry immediately evident in his voice. "Jack said she was doing a lot better-that it wasn't critical. That's why I waited a few days to come."

She held up her hands in an attempt to calm him. "It's not Mom, well it is, but it's not what you think. She's home. She's doing better. It's about something else." She looked away. Where did she even start?

"Uh oh. I know that look," he shook his head. "What's happened now?"

Summer sighed before forcing a slight smile. "Why don't we get some lunch so we can sit down and talk. This might take a while and, since I'm driving, you might need a drink."

Daniel groaned dramatically and followed her to the car.

* * *

Jack scribbled his signature on the receipt, glancing up as Lily approached.

"It's all set," she said with a smile. "I had to shuffle a few reservations, but people are remarkably understanding when you comp their dinner."

Jack smiled gratefully, "Send me the bill for everything. I can't tell you how much I appreciate you pulling all this together for me on such short notice. Phyllis has just been so down recently that I think getting dressed up and having some family and friends around will be exactly what she needs."

"She's a lucky woman." Lily smiled. "The club will be all yours tomorrow night starting at 6...we'll handle the food, flowers, music...everything very low key just like you asked."

"Sounds perfect. Thank you again, so much. I just know Phyllis is going to love this." Jack leaned in and kissed her quickly on the cheek before heading out the door.

He stood outside for a moment, smiling to himself. It wasn't something he liked to admit, but there had been moments over the past year when he hadn't been certain his marriage would survive. He'd felt her slipping away from him and somehow the harder he held on, the further she fell. Even recently, he was worried she was distant, disconnected, not present in their life. Then the call came and his world tilted. Suddenly none of it mattered...only her.

The reality of a life without her made a life with her, any version of her-whatever she withheld, whatever their struggles, the far better alternative.

The sun beat down on him and he felt perspiration begin to bead on his face, his suit coat not well matched for the summer heat. He grabbed his phone and begin to dial. There were a lot of people to invite.


	15. Chapter 15

"Seriously? You're just going to sit there? You don't have anything to say?" Summer stared across the table her eyes wide. She'd planned to tell Daniel the truth, but somehow she'd opened her mouth and it had all come flooding out. Keeping this a secret was hard enough for her, she couldn't understand how her mother even functioned.

Daniel scoffed, taking a drink from his glass before responding. "I'm processing," he smirked.

Summer took in a breath. "I just told you that our mother is sleeping with the man I thought was my father for a while-a man who, not for nothing, happens to be her brother-in-law and you're calm enough to process?"

"Look, you know..it's just.." He shrugged. "I mean, it's Mom. You can't expect her to be conventional and you said yourself that they love each other. You can't help who you fall in love with."

She nodded. Her own heart bore the scars of that all too honest life lesson.

"I know you're right and it's not even that I have a problem with them being together it's just..." She looked up at Daniel, realizing how much she'd missed having him here to confide in, "I'm worried about her-about what's going to happen when this all comes out. It's going to be ugly for everyone and Mom...she'll be on the outside. She'll have no one."

"That's not true." Daniel reached across the table, placing his hand on his forearm. "She's got us."

* * *

"Jack? What a nice surprise? What brings you by?"

Lauren stood by the door and smiled as she gestured for Jack to step inside.

"Actually, I've come with an agenda," he smiled, taking a seat on the sofa. "As I'm sure you know Phyllis is home and she's recovering nicely, but she's still under doctor's care. I think she's beginning to feel a little smothered, so I decided to plan a little get together for her at the club tomorrow night."

"That's a lovely idea. What can I go to help?"

"I'm glad you asked," he continued. "Lily is taking care of the food and the decorations. Phyllis isn't 100% yet so I don't want this to be some big production-low key. Understated but beautiful."

Lauren nodded.

"That's where you come in. I'm sure there's something in her closet, but I want to get her something special and I want the works-dress, shoes, jewelry, purse-everything. I was hoping maybe you could pull something together and have it sent to the house?"

"Absolutely." Lauren leaned in hugging Jack and stepping back. "Next to me, Phyllis might just be the luckiest woman in the world."

"No..no...Believe me. I'm the lucky one." He turned to move towards the door. "I trust you and Michael can make it? Tomorrow night? 6 o'clock?"

"We wouldn't miss it. Phyllis is going to absolutely love this, Jack." She closed the door.

Jack smiled to himself as he turned and headed down the hallway, "That's the plan," he whispered.

* * *

Jack helped Phyllis into the car, closing the door before walking back up to Billy. "I know I sound like a broken record here, but I can't tell you how much this means to me."

Billy shook his head and raised his hands in front of his face. The guilt was bad enough at any given moments. In the times when Jack thanked him for being such a loving, supportive brother, it nearly ended him. "Please, Jack-enough. I told you. I don't mind at all."

"Well I want you to know I Appreciate it and it's not something I'm going to forget. But actually that's not what I wanted to say." He glanced back at Phyllis who sat in the car. "I'm planning a little party at the club tomorrow night...low key just family and friends. I want you to come."

Billy took a breath. "Does Phyllis know about this, Jack? I mean, it's great and I'm sure she'll appreciate the thought, but are you sure she's up to something like this?"

"I think this is exactly what she needs...a little reminder that life should be experienced and lived and enjoyed. She needs to have some fun and not have everyone smothering her for a night. That's what tomorrow night is about. So the athletic club-6 o'clock. It's a surprise. Will I see you there?"

Billy nodded. This should be interesting.

* * *

"Sweetheart, Are you sure your dinosaur can't keep you company just for tonight? I'm sure one eared Willy will be just fine at Daddy's house and we'll pick him up first thing tomorrow."

Victoria tussled Johnny's blonde hair as she glanced over at Katie who slept peacefully in her new toddler bed. "Your sister's already asleep. Maybe we give it a try just this once?"

She watched as the boys big blue eyes begin to fill with tears. "Okay...Okay.." She stroked his face. "I'll try to call Daddy again. Maybe he can bring him over so we don't have to wake Katie."

The phone rang and went to voicemail. Victoria hissed, curbing her language as she looked down at her son's sleepy face. "Daddy's not answering his phone. Wonder where he could be?"

"Maybe Aunt Phyllis is still there," Johnny said softly his fists rubbing at his eyes as he held onto the dinosaur.

Victoria looked down at him, her eyes narrowing, "Aunt Phyllis? She was at Daddy's house?"

"Uh huh," Johnny answered. "She might live there now...I don't know. We watched cartoons. She let me push the buttons."

She shook her head. "Wait...Johnny. Aunt Phyllis lives with Uncle Jack. Why would you think she lived at Daddy's house?" She could feel the blood rushing to her face and her cheeks flushed.

"She was there when I got up this morning and she was in play clothes not work clothes," he declared, his tone matter-of-fact.

Victoria smiled, relieved. "Oh, well, you know Aunt Phyllis hasn't been feeling well so maybe she's staying at Daddy's during the day while Uncle Jack is at work." Maybe Uncle Jack has never heard of home health care, she thought to herself.

"Oh," Johnny said thoughtfully, sitting quietly for a moment before continuing. "You think Daddy was trying to make her feel better?"

"When?"

"When he kissed her," he said.

His eyes were too innocent-too sincere. "I need to try and call your Dad again," she said quietly before standing up and walking out of the room.


	16. Chapter 16

Her hands clutched the banister tightly as she descended the stairs forcing breath into and out of her mouth. Disbelief, hurt, anger, disgust, and jealousy fought for control and her fingers tapped at the screen once again. She cursed, inhaling sharply as voicemail picked up again.

The headlights cast shadows on the wall as she stood there and she quickly made her way to the window, her heart immediately beginning to race as she saw his car.

She was there at the door before he even had a chance to knock. Every chance she had at remaining civil disappeared when he smiled at her, his calm, pleasant demeanor somehow more offensive than all of this combined.

"You don't answer your damn phone anymore?"

Billy stopped, his hand absentmindedly covering his pocket. "Sorry-I uh.. I must have left it at the house. As soon as I saw I had a stowaway..." He held up the stuffed bear, offering up another slight smile, "I just wanted to get this over here to you. I knew no one would be getting any sleep without one eared Willie."

Victoria reached out, grabbing the bear from his hands. "That's why I was calling." She paused, opening her mouth, considering her words. "You can go. I'm sure you have plenty of things at home to keep you busy."

She stepped back further into the room, pushing the door closed behind her.

"Vic." Billy stopped the door with his foot. "If Johnny's awake, I'd like to tell him goodnight-since I'm here and all."

"That's not a good idea."

"Why not?" He stared at her, his eyes full of confusion. Victoria had been angry with him plenty of times in the past, but he generally had a pretty good idea of the cause. This particular mood seemed to be completely out of left field.

"It's just not!" She glanced up the stairs quickly, her mind suddenly considering her children. She took a deep breath. "You know what...fine." She thrust the bear at him. "Go...take him the bear. Tuck him in."

* * *

Billy shook his head, his mind reeling. He climbed the stairs, bear in hand and slowly pushed open the door to his son's room.

"Hi Daddy," Johnny smiled, his eyes lighting up as he saw the bear.

Billy sighed. At least something was normal. "Here you go, pal." He adjusted the covers and leaned done to place a kiss on his son's forehead.

"Daddy?"

Billy smiled. "Uh huh?"

"Do I get to come to your house again tomorrow?"

"You bet...and we're gonna do all kinds of fun things just like we did today." He tussled the boy's blonde hair.

"Aunt Phyllis too, right? She said we could watch the dinosaur movie and drink chocolate milk."

"Johnny."

Billy turned to see Victoria standing in the doorway. She stepped inside, walking over to the side of the bed and leaning down to kiss the boy quickly before turning off the lamp.

"No more questions, mister," she said softly, "it's past your bedtime."

* * *

Billy followed her down the steps. "So is that what this is about?"

She turned around, her eyes glaring at him, "what?"

"The way you're acting tonight-this attitude. Is this about Phyllis being at the house while Johnny's there because I gotta tell you Vic, that's ridiculous."

"Ridiculous?" She could feel the tears building behind her eyes. She hated crying like this. When she got angry, the tears always came. People mistook them for hurt or fear or worse-weakness, but in truth they were utter rage.

"Yes. It's ridiculous. There's no reason she shouldn't spend time with him. She loves him and she happens to be really good with him. And, don't forget, she's married to my brother-she's his aunt."

She laughed, "Oh, I haven't forgotten, but maybe you have."

Billy stood still. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Oh, I don't know Billy..." She stared into his eyes, for a moment reveling in the sense of calm that overtook her. In that moment, she could see it-the realization, the dread-it was there in his eyes...

She continued. "Maybe since Phyllis is your brother's wife, you should stop kissing her-or at least have the decency not to do it in front of our son."

* * *

Everything ok?" Jack looked across the table at the untouched plate. "You barely touched your food. You want me to have Mrs. Martinez get you something else?"

"No." Phyllis smiled. She picked up her fork, shuffling the food around on the plate a bit. "This is fine, really. I'm just not all that hungry-that's all. Johnny was over at Billy's today so I kind of filled up on junk."

Jack smiled. "That's good. Having that little guy around should help to keep your energy up. He's certainly got enough to share, doesn't he?"

"Yeah he does." Her voice trailed off, her thoughts a million miles away. She wanted to be anywhere but here.

"So what did the two of you do today?" He hated this-the stilted conversation, the trivial small talk, but lately it seemed to be the only way to force any kind of connection at all.

"Cartoons mainly..." She forced another smile. This was how it always was. Jack asked questions, she answered them, a seemingly endless cycle with each day seeming more awkward and painful than the last. Inside she wanted to scream, but outside it was the smile-that same stupid, facicious smile.

Jack watched her for a moment. She seemed sad, distant, maybe even distracted.

"Red," he said quietly, reaching across the table and touching her hand.

Her eyes met his for only a moment before she broke the gaze.

He sighed. So many times he'd almost asked her. Each time deciding it was better left alone, but watching her tonight, he was almost certain this was the very thing eating away at her.

"Why don't we go into the living room? I think we need to talk about something."


	17. Chapter 17

She walked away from him, heading to the doorway. She wanted him out of her sight and out of her house. Her eyes burned with tears and she refused to look at him, to give him the satisfaction of seeing her cry. The anger was too new, too overwhelming-too consuming for her to trust herself to speak.

"Vic...Vic, wait."

She turned back to look at him, her hand still resting on the doorknob. The desperation in his eyes was something she recognized. Many times in their numerous marriages Billy had made mistakes-some of them less earth-shattering than others, but almost all evoked that look from him. He was always remorseful, always sincere, always full of promises and explanations. She expected no less tonight, but this look was different. Everything about this felt different.

"It's not what you think," he said softly.

"It never is, is it?" She glared at him-almost angrier at herself for being so affected than she actually was at him.

"Look, I don't know what Johnny said...I don't know what he thought he..." He stopped. His son had told the truth-certainly he should be able to do the same.

Victoria watched him for a moment before speaking. "Johnny is a sweet, innocent little boy that has no idea what a train wreck his father is," she spat.

He winced. "I didn't know he was awake. I wouldn't...not in front of him."

"My God Billy...Phyllis, really? Your brother's wife? You kissed your brother's wife?!"

There. That exact moment-the moment she understood-the moment it all made sense. This wasn't about a misguided kiss. This was more.

"Billy," she breathed, "you didn't...you're not..."

He walked past her, pushing her hand from the knob and opening the door himself. He glanced back at her, his mouth slightly open. There were no good answers. "You don't want to know," he answered before heading for his car.

* * *

Phyllis sat down on the couch, her eyes searching Jack's face for a sign of what was to come.

He smiled at her, holding out the cup of tea.

She took it, her eyes staring up at him, "You said you wanted to talk to me..."

Jack nodded. "I do, but first I want to apologize, for not doing this sooner-for thinking we could just brush it off. I just thought-hoped maybe, that it would fade away and we wouldn't have to talk about."

He took a breath, adjusting his suit coat nervously, "but I can tell it's not going away-and even if it's uncomfortable we need to talk about it."

She leaned forward, placing the cup on the coffee table, afraid she'd spill the contents on account of the trembling otherwise. "Jack," she managed, her voice trembling slightly, "I don't know what you're talking about."

"At the hospital-after your accident, when you woke up..."

He could still remember it so vividly, the way she'd looked at him, the way she'd said his name, how she'd declared so adamantly that she loved him. Even now, even knowing she'd been confused and medicated, it still hurt.

He watched as her eyes flashed-a mix of worry and confusion.

"Hey," he said softly, "it's okay. I know why you said it. I'm not upset. I'm not angry, but we should have talked about it, especially before I set everything up about you working over at Billy's. I was so worried about making sure you were ok and taken care of that I never even considered that it might be awkward for you and that you might not be comfortable..."

"Jack...no...I'm fine. It's nothing like that. Billy and I are fine."

Jack stopped. He'd been so certain, so sure this was the reason for her melancholy mood. To be so lost again was disheartening to say the least.

"Then I don't know, Red. I don't know. I'm really trying here, but it's just...it's like I can't reach you. It's like there's a wall and..." He glanced up at her, his voice halting as he saw the tears streaming down her face.

She stopped him when he reached out to comfort her. His kind gesture felt more like a slap in the face. "Don't," she whispered. "Don't apologize to me."

"I hate to see you cry."

"I hate crying," she admitted, forcing a smile and trying desperately to compose herself. Her mind searched for words-not the truth of course, she couldn't tell him that, but she needed to tell him something. "I wish I knew what this was," she said softly. "I really do."

Jack watched her intently, the anguish in her eyes tortured him. He hated seeing her this pained and to know that she, herself, didn't have the answers was even more difficult to comprehend. He reached out, taking her hands in his, "it's ok, you know. You don't have to have all the answers all the time. You've been through a lot recently-maybe your emotions just need some time to catch up."

He smiled slightly when she nodded. He thought about his plans. "I was uh..I was going to make this a surprise but maybe I should...we don't have to..."

Phyllis narrowed her eyes, "what?"

"Tomorrow night at the club-I've planned a little gathering..nothing too big. Just some family and friends. I've got Lauren pulling together a dress and all the stuff you'll need to look drop dead gorgeous." He leaned in closer, brushing his lips against her jawline, "not that you ever need any help."

"Jack, you didn't have to do any of that..."

"I know I didn't have to-I wanted to." He met her gaze again. "But like I said we don't have to do it tomorrow, we can wait..."

"No,no..you went to all this trouble and besides maybe a night out is exactly what I need." She forced a smile as Jack pulled her into his arms. Her head rested on his shoulder as she allowed the smile to fade.


	18. Chapter 18

Phyllis stood at the edge of the bed. The dress was stunning, something she would have picked out herself, and here was a part of her that was truly touched at the trouble Jack had gone through to make her happy.

Then, there was the other part-the part that couldn't feel touched, that couldn't feel grateful, that couldn't feel anything except the overwhelming sense of guilt that threatened to consume her with each passing breath.

She stepped closer to the bed, her hand brushing over the cool silk fabric. Breathing deeply, she began to unbutton her shirt, stepping out of her skirt and quickly stepping into the dress. Hearing footsteps behind her, she stilled. She felt Jack's hands on her bare back.

He leaned in close to her, his lips brushing against his neck. "Let me help you with that," he whispered. "Maybe later, if you're up to it, I can help you out of it."

It was statements like that that reminded her of just how far she'd fallen-of just how disconnected she'd been in her marriage. The fact that a loving, flirtatious remark from her husband provoked a response-not of excitement, but of dread. Almost immediately her mind kicked into overdrive, deftly spinning scenarios as to why tonight wasn't good...

Her body language hadn't been exactly subtle. He'd felt the immediate tension settle in her neck and shoulders the moment he touched her. His hands gently grabbed her shoulders, turning her to face him.

"Hey," Everything in him wanted to understand, but even he couldn't deny there was a part of him that worried about this persistent distance. Sure she'd been through a lot, but hadn't they both and hadn't he been through it with her? Right beside her...the whole time? Yet she continued to pull back, to shut him out with no clear explanation as to why.

"You know I don't want to push you. I just want you to know you can talk to me...about anything...whatever it is."

Phyllis forced a smile. "I know," she responded softly, "I'm just a little distracted that's all-thinking about everything I need to do to get ready for this party. I wouldn't want to show up on your arm looking anything less than fabulous."

Jack smiled, looking at her. "Not even a remote possibility-you're a vision." He leaned in for a quick kiss before heading for the door. "I'll leave you to it."

Phyllis held the smile as he walked from the room relaxing as she heard his footsteps on the stairs. She turned to look in the mirror. The dress fit perfectly. The earrings and necklace were the perfect compliments. There was only one thing wrong-the man she imagined on her arm in her dreams wasn't the same man who'd be there in reality.

* * *

The cell phone chimed again and Jack glanced up towards the stairs. He thought of calling for her-of telling her her phone was ringing, but he knew she was in prep mode. If there was one thing he knew about his wife, she took pre-party preparations very seriously.

He picked up the phone, flipping it over, surprised to see his brother's name flashing.

"Billy-" Jack said, his voice betraying his curiosity.

Billy stopped moving. What was Jack doing answering her phone? His mind raced-wondering what else he could find on that phone...all the missed calls, the texts. Phyllis would have deleted all of them, wouldn't she?

"Billy, you still there?"

His brother's voice jarred him from his paranoia. "Yeah, Jack-uh..I just..I just meant to call Phyllis' phone."

"Yeah, you did. I grabbed her phone and answered when I saw it was you. She's getting ready for the party tonight and you know how she gets..."

Billy nodded to himself. He did know. Phyllis would send hours dolling herself up when she didn't need any of it. She was gorgeous in anything. "Yeah," he responded finally realizing he'd been lost in thought. "I just needed to ask her something really quick."

"Just talk to her tonight at the party, Billy. Going up there now is like sending me into a lion's den. She was trying to decide how to wear her hair-this certainly isn't the time." He smiled, a soft, rolling laugh escaping.

Her hair-each word from Jack provoked this mental image-this moving memory in action...how her hair had looked that night..how his hands had gotten lost in it.

"So it can wait?"

No. No, really it couldn't, but he could think of no reasonable explanation-no purpose so intense that he had to speak to her this very moment. Unless of course you count the truth.

"Yeah, I'll just talk to her later," Billy softly responded.

"Tonight, right?" Jack paused. "You are coming, right?"

Billy cringed. The last thing in the world he wanted to watch was Jack parading Phyllis around like a prize show pony. That's what was tearing their marriage apart and he didn't even realize it. Jack was so worried about public perception of them, their marriage, of Jabot-He was so damned consumed with everyone viewing him-them as some kind of Phoenix that rose from the ashes that he'd neglected to realize the fire still smoldered and the damage got worse every day.

"I don't know Jack. This is your night."

Jack frowned. As much as he'd revel in having Phyllis all to himself-that wasn't going to happen tonight-in fact that wasn't even what this party was about. He wanted to make Phyllis happy-to surround her with friends and family-to hopefully make her smile, something he hadn't seen much of lately.

He glanced towards the stairs. "Listen, Billy-you have to come. I've invited all the family and friends. Summer and Daniel will be there." He paused, not entirely sure how to put this into words. "It's just with you Phyllis seems...she seems lighter. I don't know what it is, but you can reach something in her-something I can't right now..and I just want her to enjoy tonight. I know it won't be the same for her if you're not there."

That much was true, Billy thought mournfully. "Sure," he relented. "Of course I'll be there. I wouldn't miss it."

Jack sighed, relieved. "Great, I'll see you there."

* * *

He barely had time to place the phone back on the table when he heard the knock at the door. Through the glass he could see Summer's face smiling back at him.

"Jack," Summer said with a smile, happily stepping into his arms and accepting his embrace. She stepped over to the side. "I'm guessing you remember this stranger."

"Daniel." Jack greeted him in similar fashion, pulling back and smiling broadly at him. "Your mom is gonna be thrilled to see you."

"I'm ready to see her too. Where's she hiding?"

"She's just upstairs finishing up her outfit prep for the party, but you should go on up. I'm sure she'll be happy to see you."

Daniel smiled. "I think I'm gonna pass on that-stay down here where it's safe. I may have been gone awhile, but I haven't forgotten that you don't interrupt mom when she's getting ready."

Jack nodded, slapping him on his back. "Wise choice."

* * *

Billy stepped into the GCAC, whistling as he saw Lily approaching. "You've certainly outdone yourself. This place looks amazing."

Lily stepped back with a confident grin on her face and surveyed the room. "It does look pretty good, right? I mean this is my favorite kind of event-the spare no expense thing-I can go all out, do absolutely anything as long as it's fabulous."

"Spare no expense, huh?" Billy wasn't surprised. Jack had always been fond of grand gestures, but he wondered if he realized how much Phyllis loved and appreciated the little things. If he knew that she liked brownies from Crimson Lights and that she particularly liked them with ice cold milk.

He wondered if he knew the story of Black Beauty-a story he'd only learned when he saw her tear up after coming across a copy he'd bought for Katie. She'd told him about her father that day, and about how he used to read her that story. He wondered if she ever told Jack things like that or, more to the point, if Jack ever stopped worrying so much about grand gestures to ask.

Lily was still talking he realized as he quickly turned towards her and nodded his head. "And Jack just wanted everything to be tasteful and beautiful-whatever it took. Class comes at a price you know-especially when it's last minute, but I think everything came together. You think Phyllis will approve?"

"How would I know?" He hadn't meant to snap, but somehow the question had touched a nerve. He wasn't her husband though he loved her every bit as much as if he were. He wasn't her fiancé, though he would give anything to be. He wasn't even her boyfriend. He was the man she was sleeping with-her affair-that was his title and it made him sick.

Lily stepped back slightly. "I'm sorry...I just-I know you two are close and I just thought you might know if she'd..."

"You should ask her husband what she likes," he spat angrily. He took a breath, silently chastising himself for taking his frustrations out on her. "I'm sorry," he said honestly. "I don't know what's up with me today. I'm gonna get some air." He moved towards the door, running directly into her.

The reaction was instantaneous and out of his control. His breath caught and he knew she'd been struck too. "Sorry," he managed, the words feeling thick in his throat. He should step back, put some distance between them, but the feeling of her body against his was so damn...

Jack stepped up, seemingly oblivious. "Hey, little brother. Glad you could make it."

He turned towards Phyllis. "I'll take your wrap, sweetheart."

Phyllis pulled the wrap from her shoulders and handed it to him, her eyes locking with Billy's as he walked away.

"I wasn't sure you'd be here," she said quietly.

"Were you hoping I wouldn't be?"

"No, of course not. It's just..it's not easy to be around you..to be this close to you and not..."

He nodded. "I know." He stepped back. "You look beautiful. You always do, but tonight.." He smiled at her. "You look really, really beautiful."

God-that smile. She'd swear it caused her to have a physical reaction. She took in a deep breath to steady herself.

"You left your hair down," he whispered."

She closed her eyes. They were playing a dangerous game and they both knew it but somehow it didn't scare either of them enough to stop.

"I did," she said simply, not even attempting to stop the coy smile that crept over her face.

He reached out, his fingertips grabbing a lock of her hair-the silky strand slid through his fingers as he stared at her. "If I didn't know better, I'd think you did this for me," he whispered.

She smiled, "who says I didn't?"

It was damn near impossible not to be drawn to her-even here-even in the light of day in front of God and everybody and he might have found himself powerless to resist her charms were it not for Victoria's face staring at him through the glass door.

She headed towards them, one hand gripping Johnny's tightly. "So I guess you're not even bothering to pretend anymore?"

Phyllis looked at Billy, her eyes full of confusion.

He opened his mouth to speak, his mind simultaneously searching for the right words.

"I.." Billy struggled as he looked down at Johnny. His eyes glanced back up at Victoria-pleading.

His mother's voice rang out from behind them. "Look who I see..." Jill leaned down, swooping the little boy in his arms.

"Mom, can you keep an eye on Johnny for a minute? I need to speak to Victoria alone."

Jill smiled with a nod.

"No, Billy, I really don't think we have anything to say." Victoria glared at him.

"I think we do." Billy took her arm and led her up the stairs.

Phyllis turned to question him, but stopped as she felt Jack's hand on the small of her back. "I think it's about time I showed you what we've got planned for this evening."

He smiled, gently leading her into the dining room. Glancing over his shoulder, he looked at Jill who was still laughing and talking with Johnny. "You two are welcome to join us. Johnny, I heard the chef needs someone to test the desserts and make sure they taste ok."

* * *

Billy glanced behind him, leading Victoria into a vacant room. He held his hands in front of him in silent surrender.

"Look Vic, I know you're mad as hell right now, but I'm asking you to hear me out."

Victoria fumed. Of all the stupid, destructive, irresponsible things Billy had done-sleeping with his brother's wife had to top them all.

"There's nothing you can say to make thus better, Billy! Nothing! She's your brother's wife for God's sake. I mean the gambling and the drinking-I could handle that. Hell, I could even understand that. Even sleeping around with random cocktail waitresses was easier to take than this. The two of you both hate my father, but this doesn't have a damn thing to do with him, so what's it about huh? Is it about revenge, payback, hurting somebody-is that it? Who are you trying to hurt, Billy? Your brother, me, your mother, your kids, your business...Well congratulations...you succeeded on all counts!"

She turned to walk out.

"I love her," he said simply.

She turned around her eyes staring into his. "What?" she asked incredulously.

"I love her, Vic. I know you might not believe that, but I do. I love her and I'll do anything for her."

Victoria stepped towards him. The two of them had shared so much. They'd lived and loved. They'd cared for each other and hurt each other. He'd lied to her and told her the hardest of truths. Looking at him now, she believed him. Though the idea made her want to scream, he meant those words-he loved her.

"My God," she breathed. "You really do. I can see it." Her eyes welled up for a moment and she swallowed hard to quell the emotion. "Why are you telling me this?"

"Because I need you to keep this between us. I know you have no reason to protect me. You're angry and you hate me right now and I get it, but Phyllis has been through a lot recently and I just don't want her to have to deal with this right now. I'm asking you to keep this secret..just for a little while. We're going to tell Jack. We're just giving her a little time to recover."

"You want me to lie for you?"

"I'm not asking you to lie for me, Vic. I'm asking for her. I can't lose her. I've lost so much in my life. She's everything to me. Please, Vic."

Victoria stared at him for a moment, before turning and leaving the room.


	19. Chapter 19

"So Johnny, what's the verdict? Can I tell the chef their desserts pass the test?"

Jack smiled as the boy looked up from the bowl of chocolate mousse-having gotten more on his face than he actually had in his mouth. He nodded happily, before digging in again to continue his research.

Jill laughed softly as she watched him. "I've got to get all that chocolate off your face before you get it all over your nice clothes. We don't want your Mommy to eat mad at us, do we?"

Johnny shook his head, his blue eyes wide. "No, Mommy's mad at Daddy already. She's fussing at him now".

Jill stopped, folding the dampened napkin on the table in front of her. "I think Mommy and Daddy just needed to have some grownup talk," she said softly. "I'm sure everyone is fine."

Jack chimed in. "That's right. It's a party, right? Everyone has to be in a good mood for a party."

"They were yelling," he said simply, scooping another spoonful of mousse into his mouth.

"No sweetie, They weren't yelling. Daddy just wanted to talk." Jill glanced over at Jack. She hated that her grandchildren already knew a life like this. If Billy and Victoria would only stop being so damn stubborn, they'd realize how much they still loved each other and put their family back together.

"Nooo..." Johnny sighed, slightly exasperated. "Not here. They were yelling last night at my house."

"Oh, I see," Jill sighed. She looked to Jack, who didn't speak at first. Just as she opened her mouth, determined to find some way to make things better, she heard him begin.

"You know Johnny-sometimes grown ups get upset because they don't agree about things. Sometimes they get angry-and when they get angry, they might yell. I bet you yell sometimes when you're angry too."

Johnny nodded.

"But when it's all over and everything calms down, the thing that you were yelling about just isn't even important." He leaned in closer, as if he was about to betray a closely guarded secret. "Sometimes you might not even remember what it was."

Johnny was quiet for a moment-considering his uncle's words. "If they forget I remember."

Jill smiled, "you do, huh? You heard what they were fighting about?" Her eyes darted back to the stairwell where Billy and Victoria had disappeared.

"Yep". Johnny looked up, never guessing the enormity of the drama he was about to unleash. "Mommy was mad that Daddy kissed Aunt Phyllis."

* * *

Billy rated down the hallway, stopping her just before she reached the steps. "Vic, Vic please...What are you doing here? Where are you gonna go?"

"Well, I think Jack has a right to know what his wife and his brother are doing behind his back, don't you?" She turned to head down the stairs, glaring daggers at him when he grabbed her arm again.

He released her quickly. "Sorry, ok? Look, I can't force you to lie. I know that and I know you think you're doing the right thing but you do realize what you're actually going to do, right? You're going to tear Jack apart. You're going to completely ruin my family. You're going to thrust Jack, Phyllis, me, our children, her children, our companies into the public eye for the press to pick apart..."

"Don't put this on me, Billy! I didn't create this mess! You made these choices-you and Phyllis. Everything that happens from here on out-every single hellish consequence is on you-don't try to avoid that. You made your choices-you have to live with it. I hope in the end it was all worth it."

"Billy". Her voice was strained with worry and he turned to see her standing there behind them.

"Phyllis," he breathed, "I..."

Victoria interrupted, turning her attention to Phyllis, "You know-you'd think I wouldn't be surprised by anything you do anymore, but just when I think you've sunk to the absolute bottom of the barrel, you go and lower your standards just a little bit more."

"That's enough, Vic." billy stepped in front of her. "You're not gonna do this-not here-not to her. You're angry-you've got something to say-you want to sling your mud at someone, that's fine. You do that with me-not her."

"So protective aren't you," Victoria grimaced, disgusted. She looked around him, locking eyes with Phyllis again. "You're gonna need that protection because when the Abbotts realize what you've done to Jack, you two are gonna be on your own."

She stormed down the stairs, reaching the bottom in record time. She met Jack at the bottom of the stairs.

"Victoria," Jack said, his face serious.

She stopped him before he could say anything. "If you're looking for your brother, he's upstairs with your wife."

Pausing for a moment, she watched his face, somehow she thought he already knew. "If you hurry," she added, her voice now more vengeful, "you can catch them before they get their clothes off."

She walked away, leaving Jack standing in stunned silence.

* * *

"What do you mean she knows?" Phyllis demanded, her voice shrill.

"Johnny saw us kissing the other morning and he mentioned it to her. She asked me about it."

Phyllis covered her face with her hands. "He just said kissing though-that could have been the cheek, the forehead-why didn't you tell her it was innocent?"

Billy sighed. "Because it wasn't..Because she already knew. Come on, Phyllis-we knew this was bound to happen. It was just a matter of who found out first."

She shook her head. "I have to go. I have to get to Jack before she does." She bolted for the stairs, rushing down them with Billy following close behind.

"Phyllis wait," he hissed, his plea carrying down the hall.

She walked into the foyer, heading into the dining room where Jack stood waiting for her.

"Jack"

There was something off about him-something about the way he looked at her. His eyes, usually filled with love, and almost admiration, were empty save a hint of condemnation. It was as if he whispered the face that he knew her ugly secret in a voice so low only she could hear.

"Jack," she repeated, stepping closer to him.

She heard Billy's footsteps close behind her.

She reached out, trying to trough his chest, trying to evoke some emotion-something, anything-other than this strange, distant man that stood in front of her.

He jerked back, pulling away from her touch like a wounded animal.

The only sound was the sound of his own heartbeat, the calm deliberate breathing-in and out. The people around him, the party behind him, it all faded away. None of it mattered. He just wanted to hear it-the truth.

"It's true isn't it?" His voice trembled.

She stared at him-afraid of what truth he meant. She'd been down the stairs moments after Victoria-there was no way she could've told him.

She felt Billy's hand on her shoulder. She should brush it away, but she didn't. The feel of his hand on her skin was her only refuge in that moment-the tiniest whisper in the chaos she'd created. It was her only glimmer of hope that no matter what, after all the smoke had cleared, they would be ok. They would be together.

"Was this part of the plan, huh? Bring me here to humiliate me? The loving husband, willing to do anything to make his wife happy-except maybe give her the one thing that actually does?"

He glared at Billy. "And you...how do you even stand there and look me in the eyes-knowing what you've done...knowing how you've betrayed me? At the hospital..right after the accident..My God."

His mind raced and he felt as if he might be sick. He bent at the waist, forcing a rush of breath into his lungs before standing upright again.

"She said she loved you and good old Jack...I wrote it off...I said it was a concussion...it was the medication. She was confused."

Ashley stepped up behind him, her eyes full of fury. She glared at them, her eyes softening before touching Jack's shoulder.

"Jackie," she said softly, "You don't want to do this right now. Why don't we just go back to the house?"

He jerked away, artfully avoiding her well-intention comforts.

"You weren't confused at all, were you? You were crystal clear-you were just a little too distracted to lie as well as you normally do."

She could feel Billy's hands on her now. She felt him slowly pulling her behind him so he could step in front of her. Even now, even seeing the anger in Jack's eyes, he still wanted to spare her.

"Jack", Billy said, his voice hesitating slightly. "Ashley's right. Let's just go back to the house and we can calm things down."

Billy of all people, Jack thought-almost smiling at the absurdity of it all. Billy was telling him to calm down. Billy was trying to manage him as if he had any right at all...

"You know what...I just don't feel like calming down. I feel like we should talk-get this out-clear the air."

His words were sharp, his tone biting. His eyes cut through her as she looked at him.

"Jack please...". She looked into the room behind them. By now everyone had stopped pretending not to notice. They were all turned towards them, watching and listening. This was real life-better than any reality tv.

"Please," Jack chortled. "Please what, Phyllis? Please don't ask you to tell me the truth?"

She stood silent. What words should she say? "I didn't want you to find out this way."

Jack's jaw tensed. "Oh I'm sure you didn't. You didn't want me to find out at all, did you? And really it's kind of amazing that I did. I've been such an idiot. My God...". He took in a breath as his eyes darted between them. Looking back now, it all made so much sense. How had he not noticed? How had he not seen this?

"I literally delivered your to his doorstep every morning, didn't I?" He turned towards Billy, "Ad I told you I wanted you to spend time with her because you made her so happy."

He was angry at them-but he realized he may have been even angrier at himself, for being so stupid, so trusting, so naive, so blind.

"I can't stand the sight of you," he sneered, leaning close to her, not at all impacted by her tears. "After everything I said to you-you lied over and over again."

"That's enough, Jack." Billy said-the calm in his voice, a stark contrast to the unfiltered rage in his brother's. "I know you're angry and you have every right to be, but this isn't the time and it's not the place."

"Why? Tell me why? Because people might think bad things about the two of you? Because I might cause a scene? Because this might make you uncomfortable? Do you honestly think I give a damn how you feel right now?"

"How about her?" Bill gestured to Phyllis who continued to sob behind him. "You know she shouldn't be this upset right now. You heard what the doctor said."

"Don't you do that. You don't get to do that. You don't get to drop a bomb like this and then tell me I can't react because the object of your affection is too fragile to handle the consequences of her actions."

"It's not about consequences, Jack. She's recovering from a heart condition."

Jack stared at them, his anger so real and present, he felt he had to leave before he did something he'd regret-or worse something he wouldn't.

"I've got news for you," he said, as he walked towards the door. "She doesn't have a heart."

* * *

"I want to go to the house. I want to try to talk to him."

Summer sat down across from her at the table. "I really don't think that's a good idea."

Phyllis sighed. "Maybe you could talk to him-try to explain. I just need him to know I wasn't trying to hurt him. This wasn't about him."

Summer shook her head. "I can't talk to him, Mom." She had tried to understand. She could get why these things happened, but her mother seemed to get wrapped up in "these things" more often than anyone had a right to. "Sometimes I wish you'd just try to settle down and be happy."

Phyllis stopped. "You think this is my fault?"

Summer stared at her confused. "Well isn't it? I mean Jack loves you-everyone knows that. He's completely committed to you. He went through hell to make it back here to you and instead of being grateful to have a man like that in your life, you're always looking for that next best thing."

She could see the hurt in her mother's eyes as the words registered. "Look," she softened her tone. Hurting her had never been what she intended. "I'm sorry-I don't mean to judge you-it's just I feel like Jack always ends up losing and he's been really good to me. It's hard for me to stand by and watch somebody hurt him."

Phyllis reached across the table, grabbing her hand. "I know," she whispered, "It's even harder to be the one responsible."

Billy sat at the bar, a glass in front of him. It was still full. He couldn't bring himself to take a drink. He didn't deserve to dull the pain. He should have to feel it, to live with it.

"Billy."

Billy turned. "Daniel, I didn't know you'd made it back. Is Lucy with you?"

Daniel shook his head. "No. I wasn't sure how long I'd be staying and she's in school, so she'd stayed back with Heather."

Billy shook his head. He waited, awkward, not quite sure what he should say-if anything at all.

Daniel spoke first. "You know Summer told me all about this situation on the way back from the airport."

Billy wasn't surprised. Summer had taken the news as well as could be expected, but her loyalty was to Jack and for good reason. It made sense that she would confide in her brother-that she would turn to him for comfort, advice, and guidance.

"That makes sense," he said simply.

Daniel nodded. "Yeah, I don't think I was as stunned or as horrified as she wanted me to be."

His eyebrows raised, "No?" Billy asked.

"Not really. Life's too short."

Phyllis stood up from the table as she saw Billy approaching with Daniel.

"Oh my God," she said, wrapping her arms around him and squeezing him almost to the point of pain. "You have no idea how good it is to see you."

Daniel smiled. "I think I might have some idea."

Summer stood, "I'm gonna head over to Jack's, check on him, make sure he's ok."

Phyllis opened her mouth to speak. She wanted to ask her to tel him, she's sorry, but she didn't. He didn't want to hear it. He wouldn't believe it anyway.

The three watched Summer leave. Daniel looked at her. "She'll come around. She just needs a little bit of time."

"You say that like you've had some experience," she joked. It was so good to have him back.

"Just a little. You know I don't know everything that's going on here, but I know one thing. I want you to be happy. Summer told me he makes you happy."

Phyllis nodded, her eyes meeting Billy's for a moment.

"Well that's enough for me." Daniel paused. "When you were in that clinic, I had to begin to imagine a world where I might never be able to talk to you again, so to me, things like this-they don't matter. I didn't think I was ever going to get you back, so the fact that you're here, happy and healthy, I'll happily take that-flaws and all.


	20. Chapter 20

**Author's Note: This is the final chapter of "In This Life". Thanks to all of you who have read and reviewed so faithfully. "Better Days" will be finished up next so a brand new Philly story can begin.**

She had always tried not to care what people thought of her-always vehemently denied that the opinions of others had any impact on her opinion of herself. Tonight though, as she sat at the table alone in the middle of the restaurant, she couldn't pretend it didn't get to her.

These weren't just people-these were friends, family members, people whose thoughts and opinions she held most dear. People who now glared at her from across the room, who shook their heads in silent rebuke, who whispered to each other in plain sight. Even her daughter, the one she'd hoped most would understand had judged her, no matter her claim. Phyllis knew what judgement felt like. God knows she'd felt it many times in her life and judgement was just what she'd received from her daughter.

Daniel had been one of the few friendly faces tonight and she'd nearly cried when she'd kissed his cheek and watched him leave-even if he was only heading to his room. She felt as if she was losing her ally-and she now stood alone-in front of an all too unfriendly firing squad.

Billy stepped into the room, his eyes immediately finding hers. She watched as the eyes of the room followed him, their scornful expressions still plastered on their scornful faces.

He reached the table, pulling a chair closer to her, keeping his back to the brood of jurors. "So this is what it feels like to be a pariah, huh? I've had some experiences as the resident screwup, but the pariah is a bit different-a bit more daring."

That disarming grin flashed at her and she smiled at him. He always amazed her at his ability to bring levity to any situation-even a situation as terrible as this. He touched her hand lightly, mindful of the eyes he could feel burning a hole in the back of his head.

"Why don't you let me take you home?"

He paused, seeing the flash in her eyes and knowing immediately what she was thinking. "To my place?" He added softly.

She nodded, standing and allowing him to wrap the shawl he already held in his hands around her. For a fraction of a second, she'd swear she'd seen shock on his face. No doubt he was expecting a fight. He expected her to beg him to go back to Jack's, to give her a chance to talk to him, to have a chance to make him understand, but she hadn't done that. She was fresh out of fight tonight.

* * *

The drive had been almost silent. He'd tried making conversation once or twice, but he'd eventually stopped when he could tell she was deep in thought. Maybe this was what she needed-to think, to work through this day in quiet. If quiet was what she needed, he could certainly grant her that.

As he opened the door, he glanced over at her, his eyes scanning her face, trying to read her thoughts. She stepped inside as he held. Immediately, she walked to the couch, falling into it.

He closed the door behind him, moving to join her.

"Is your Mom coming back here?" It was strange, this newfound sene of openness. They were no longer a secret. Everyone knew and though it didn't come out the way she would have liked, there was something quite freeing about that.

"No. They have a suite at the club. They're staying there. Apparently they're due back in Chicago in a couple of days, so this was just a short trip."

Phyllis nodded.

Billy hesitated. He knew what he wanted to say, but he wasn't sure how she'd take it. "You know, I know today was crazy and I hate that Jack found out the way he did but..."

"You're glad...you're glad its over. You're glad he knows...that everyone knows." Phyllis let out a slight laugh as she saw his expression. "No, I know...I get it. I mean I've been dreading this for so long. I was so afraid of what would happen-of how Jack would react, but now that it's done-I can't say that I'm sorry the truth is out."

Billy held her hand in his. It continued to amaze him, not just how good they were together, but how in tune they were. It was as if they shared the same thoughts. He wondered if that was the reason they used to butt heads at Restless Style-because they were so much alike and didn't want to admit it.

"Yeah," he said softly. "Today wasn't all bad. I mean there were parts of it that were pretty wonderful."

"Wonderful? You might be being a tad optimistic there, don't you think? What part of this day was wonderful?"

Billy smiled. "Well, I got to spend most of it with you. That's pretty wonderful. We can be together now-that qualifies as wonderful and...".

Phyllis stared at him as he leaned in close to her.

He continued, "And when you agree to move in here with me-that will be pretty wonderful too."

"Move in? You want me to move in?" Phyllis leaned away from him, her eyes widening in surprise. "You don't think that might be a little too fast?"

"What are we waiting for exactly? I love you. I know you love me. I want to be with you. I know you want to be with me." He paused, looking at her. "Oh wait," he said smiling, "Do you need to be married before you move in because..." He brought his hand to his pocket.

Phyllis' hand flew to her mouth.

Billy laughed. "I'm kidding. That's a joke. You can calm down. I do actually think that would be a little too fast, but this...this is just about finding happiness and grabbing on."

"Billy, I...I just...".

"Is this what you want, Phyllis?"

It was such a simple question and she had to stop and think about how long it had been since she'd stopped asking herself that.

"Yes," she said quietly. "I want this. I want to be here...in this house..with you."

Billy smiled. "Well then-I think that's my answer."

 **Epilogue**

"You gonna state at that button all day, or you actually gonna hit it?" Billy stepped up behind her and stared at the computer screen.

She turned around in the chair. "I am. I'm just trying to envision the looks on the faces of..."

He kissed her gently. "Don't do that. Don't let them do that. They Phyllis I know and love doesn't let anyone control her-least of all a town full of self-righteous hypocrites."

She smiled at him. "You know some of these self righteous hypocrites happen to be your family."

"Yeah, well, what are you gonna do?" Billy pulled her tight against him, grabbing her hand and bringing it up to his lips. He kissed it softly and then held it stretched out in front of them. "I want everyone in this town to know how happy we are. I want them to know we're getting married, that we made it, that we beat all the stupid odds. I want everyone to have a chance to be happy for us."

"Some people won't be," she said, the reality of her words having been a difficult thing to accept. "I know you want your family to come around, but the truth is they might never be ok with this. They might never wish us well. They might never be happy for us."

Billy nodded. The idea made him sad. He hated the idea of being separated from his family, but if being with Phyllis meant he had to make a choice, well that decision was easy.

"Have you thought about that, Billy? Have you thought about how publishing this engagement announcement might effect your family? What if they never get over this? What if they never accept it? What if they can't be happy for us?"

Billy leaned forward, his hand touching the keypad as he clicked the submit button.

"Well then, I'm marrying the girl of my dreams. I'm getting the fairytale ending. I'll be happy enough for all of us."

 **The End**


End file.
